GASLIGHT - dominik szoboszlai

nineteen

🎧: CHIHIRO and everything i wanted by Billie Eilish

I went home immediately after that situation in front of the hotel. I didn't want to see anyone anymore nor did i want Jadon to worry.

Of course my red and puffy eyes from crying couldn't go unnoticed by him. Kai was asleep and i was sat in the living room in silence.

He sat down beside me and wrapped his arm around me, hugging me tightly. I didn't know whether to burst out in tears or just stay numb.

I chose the second option, knowing that if i started sobbing it would lead to us either arguing over the situation or something else.

- I'm so tired of feeling like this.- I confessed, laying my head on his chest as he leaned back.

- I know, i'm sorry that i can't help much.- He replied, placing a kiss on top of my head.

I sighed and started replaying past in my head. All of the times when Dominik ruined me just for us to be fine a couple of days later.

He was right. I never blamed myself for escaping to Spain that day. I left without talking to him about it, and because of the strong Jude's influence i just assumed it was what he'd want and that i did no wrong.

I never even got to explain myself. We could've worked out only if i decided to sacrifice nearly everything for him, and at the time i just couldn't do it.

I loved Jadon, but he was never going to replace Dominik in my heart. I wasn't sure if he realised that, and even if so i felt bad.

I knew that eventually i'd have to talk to him about the times Dominik and I would see each other, but not now. I wasn't ready.

***

Weeks went by and it was now nearly the end of the year. I was sitting in the living room, watching a movie as watching my son, when Jadon came back home.

I turned my head to look at him, and even smile but he didn't reciprocate the gesture. He threw his things inside of the wardrobe and slammed the door which led to the bathroom.

I took a deep breath, wondering what happened. I could just go and ask but i knew he didn't know how to handle anger well.

He came back about forty minutes later. He went straight to the kitchen and that's when i followed him. I was afraid of what i was about to find out but knew it was the right thing to do, talk.

I put my hand on his arm but he brushed it off quickly, turning around and stepping away from me. He furrowed his brows and seemed to look at me with disgust.

- I don't wanna be touched by a fucking cheater.- He snapped angrily.

My eyes immediately filled up with tears and my lower lip started to shake. I knew that he was going to find out sooner or later, but this caught me off guard.

- When were you going to tell me? When he graduates?- He pointed at Kai, in the other room as speaking.- You're a fucking joke Luciella.

- I'm sorry.- I spit out, barely being able to say a word.

- You weren't sorry while doing all that.- He scoffed and leaned back on the counter.

This time i stayed silent. My mind was telling me to fight for him, but my heart belonged to someone else, and was saying to let him go.

And so i did. Jadon moved out shortly after. I was left alone with a nearly one year old, which was quite though at first but then it got easier.

I didn't hear from him often. Maybe it was for the best after all. I could now focus on getting everyone to give someone else another chance.

I didn't care if it would destroy me all over again. I wanted Kai to have a father, and if that meant leaving everyone behind just for him to have that, i was ready.

***

ONE MORE CHAPTER AND PROLOGUE. IM IN TEARSSS STOP

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