you left your shadow here ; yeonbin

11

“Can I ask you something?”

Soobin and Yeonjun were sitting on the observation deck of the lighthouse, backs leaned against its curved outside and legs stretched out in front of them.
The toes of Soobin's boots were touching the railing and staining it brown with mud in places.

The lack of sleep and fluctuating conditions were catching up on him, his eyes drooping and a headache creeping into the back of his skull, for he was relieved that Yeonjun had suggested they sat down for a while and regained their strength for the way home.

“Always,” Yeonjun replied and rested his hand on Soobin's thigh to stop the weary tremor in his muscles with his sparking fingertips.
The corners of Soobin's lips curled into a grateful smile even though he doubted that it would soothe the shakiness in his limbs.

“Beomgyu told me about his initiation test,” Soobin began, “and I started wondering, what did Black Charon demand of you?”

Yeonjun paled at Soobin's question, and Soobin started regretting having asked in the first place.

However, in a way, it fueled his need to know – knowing that the horrors Yeonjun had gone through while they had been apart weren't nightmares shoved into a nook of his mind but a weight he could share with someone; with Soobin.
Because Yeonjun often chose not to speak of his demons and tried to outrun them but stumbled and failed at one point or another.

Soobin had seen it happen once, and as much as it had immortalised the trust shared between them and tied their separated hearts into a whole, he had sworn not to let Yeonjun suffer under a weight he falsely believed endurable ever again.
Maybe, Soobin also wanted to staunch this incessant desire to discover how much of the trust they had once shared had splintered – if he lacked the guts to ask whether Soobin's heart still belonged to Yeonjun, he wanted to know at least that.

“Unlike Beomgyu, I never got the tattoo because I refused to complete my assigned task,” Yeonjun began and wet his lips.
The roar of the silvered waves at their feet filled the moments of silence as Yeonjun seemed to struggle for the right words.

A pale sheath of clouds blurred the true colours of the sunrise together, but Soobin still viewed it as a pleasant change to the green and gray they had been walking by on their way here.

“It was at the dead of night when Charon and three others led me to a house somewhere almost out of town. We sat on one of the neighboring roofs as he told me that the housekeeper was extremely rich. She kept boxes full of gold and diamonds that Charon wanted me to steal.”

Soobin studied every shift in Yeonjun's expression and found that albeit still calm, the turmoil fought to climb into his eyes.
He was staring ahead, his eyelids fluttering as he spoke as though he was trying to shut his eyes as the memories came together into resurfacing pictures.

The muscles in his jaw were drawn together and his lips trembled when he continued, “I was to set the house on fire, get the prize, and leave everyone inside to burn to death.”

“You don't have to continue.”

Soobin’s hand roamed over Yeonjun's shoulder for a moment before he found the courage and let it travel down to reach for his hand.

“Yes, I do. Soobin, I need you to understand why I was so desperate to get you away from there.”

The fiery amber in Yeonjun's eyes met Soobin's gaze, and although Soobin thought he had long since understood why Yeonjun wanted him far off from where he would scarr his soul forever, he didn't protest.
Because in that moment, as he saw past the concerned tilt in Yeonjun's eyes through the layers of brown directly into the flames encompassing his soul, he understood that there was a rue piece of Yeonjun that still needed convincing that getting Soobin to be part of his life again had been the right decision.