HUGHIEThe sun beams in through my abnormally large window, further competing with the intrusiveness of my extremely large morning wood poking through my rancid sheets.
One sniff of that essence and I remind myself to never let my carrot-top, ginger-pube, orangutang girlfriend, Katie Whoregan Wilmot to lay upon my bed again.
"Hugh, baby...are you awake?" She moans lightly, just waking up.
I drawl back quickly as a result of her morning breath. My face twists in disgust as I glare at the irritatingly smelly chick occupying my bed. She's definitely not who I wish was here right now.
Unsure of why I continue to put up with her pheromones, I free myself from under the sheets. As I begin to ready myself for school, a million different thoughts find their way into my elaborate mind.
Thoughts of my best friend, Patrick Marmalade Feely, start to flood the forefront of my mind, and I'm unsure why. Images of his ratchet brown hair thats been darkened over the years by all the horse manure on the farm. How pieces of hay find their way into his teeth, noticeable when he smiles.
A cough disrupts me from my thoughts and I turn to see my girlfriend on all fours baring herself to me completely naked. I rush to cover my eyes in disgust.
"It just you and me now, Hugh. I'm gonna touch you." Katie threatens in what I think is an attempt at a sexy voice.
"ALRIGHT DUDE, WHAT THE FLIP!" I screech.
Katie begins to growl in disapproval of my reaction. Her growling is so intense that I struggle to keep my footing.
"GRRRRR FUCK ME HUGHIE BABY!!!" She screams, begging for me like a homeless man would beg for money to grace the inside of his cup.
"Katie, no." I protest, completely unready and honestly a bit turned off by this whole scene.
"But why not?" She humphs in question. "I'm literally the only virgin at school it's soooooo embarrassing!"
"You'll live. And besides, we have school now," I reason with her. Any attempt to get her to stop whining. "Go get ready."
Although her ranga hair takes up more room on her head than an actual brain, Katie has a point. She IS the only virgin at our school. Besides me, of course.
I'm not entirely sure why I've been holding off on burying my mega watt of a cock knee deep into a hot chick. I think it might more so be WHO I was holding off FOR instead.
I suppose if I could choose one person to deflower me in all my righteousness, it'd be Elizabeth Young. My first love. My only love really... I guess.
I sigh, panning my vision over to the embarrassment of a girlfriend retreating from my room after her desperate attempt at throwing herself at me. I cant believe she'd actually think I'd wanna tap those ginger pubes. I'd rather tap Patrick Feely's ass.
Wait, what. Why'd I even think of that. Images of Patty's toned abs, douced in cow shit, appear in my mind. What the fuck? Did it just get hotter in here...
Nelly's 'Hot In Herre' starts blasting from my new radio. What the flippidy-dippidy? Closing my eyes, I lose myself to the music. And soon enough, without even realising, I start twerking to it. Feeling myself up to flashes of running my hands along the toned muscles of... MY BEST FRIEND?
YOU ARE READING
Brokeback Tommen
RomanceThis heartbreaking, toe curling ballad follows Irish rugby players Hugh Andrew Biggs and Patrick Marmalade Feely, two broken souls in search of love. While hiding behind the facades they put up and their girlfriends (beards) the two must overcome th...