SMOKE SPIRIT

1: ~fragile line~

Thousands of souls lie here between fragile thin lines of existence and demise. It's hard to say if they all are resting in peace if all of their heart desires are fulfilled. It always leaves me in wondering situations like how many of them wanted to die and how many of them had agony to continue life and a desperate desire to live a little more in their comfort zones within the warmth of their families.

As I passed the few familiar graves, I read the name on the gravestone, etched a name: Elic Turner Holmes, passed away in 2017 at the age of 18. If he would be alive right now, he would've been 26 years old and lived his youth. The only information written about him was that he was an artist. I smiled at the grave like he was seeing me.

I walked by his grave and reached to the one for whom I came; my eyes didn't even wander to find her grave, they just found their way to where she was lying. Her name was inscribed on the gravestone in a beautiful calligraphic manner, reading Alinora Rose McFine, and under that, her date of birth and date of demise was written. My heart was wrenched seeing that date, but I just closed my eyes and felt the scent of daisies in the atmosphere mixed with the wet earth underneath my feet. I removed a single daisy from my pocket and kneeled down beside her grave, keeping the daisy near her headstone. The grave was small and dirty due to the rain last night. I rummaged through my pocket and slipped out a handkerchief; I wiped her headstone and cleaned all her grave, wiping the sprinkles of mud from her grave. The stone was white again, just like I left it last time. I held the handkerchief for solid minutes in my hand and then put it back in my pocket.

My eyes were wet by now and I never relented until they decided to roll down my cheeks and fall onto the damp earth underneath me. I whispered just one word which poorly formed and spilled out of my mouth. "Alinora, my ominousness ate you." I never wanted to believe in those words; I was not responsible for anyone's death just because I was there at that moment or I just saw her dying helplessly. It doesn't mean I'm jinxed to the world or my family, but unfortunately, my this poor attempt to collect myself and reassure myself was unsuccessful, as in my life not even one day was passed when my parents didn't hold me responsible for my sister's death. And somehow, now part of me believes that even they are gone, I believe that I was jinxed.

The cold breeze blew and brushed my neck and ear and followed by me. I shivered in my coat and the breeze blew again, bringing muffled whispers and unclear messages. "Kath, you know" was what I got from it. I turned around and looked here and there; no one was in my far or near sight, no soul or not even its kind, nothing. I looked up and saw the clouds forming then looked back at the grave. I smiled internally; maybe it was her who sent me these messages.

Rain will start anytime soon, and I have to leave before it starts, as interpreting the thought either to stay a little while or leave my phone buzzed in my jeans pocket, and I got up from my kneeling position and dusted my clothes. I slipped the phone out, and the caller id read Jonathan. I slid the green button right and placed the phone against my ear.

An old manly sound resonated from the other side as he spoke.

"Are you moving in today?" he asked in a grim tone. Apparently." I answered. The other end remained silent for a solid minute, but then he again spoke, "Kath, I understand, it's hard but it's better to move on." his voice turned soft and almost parental. I'm alright, uncle.'' I assured in a low voice. I looked back at the grave for the last time and started making my way out of there.

"That's great, I know you are very brave." I felt his words. I'm brave. I know this but it is hard to believe. Thank you for believing in me, Jonathan," I said softly, and he hummed from the other side.

I'll be leaving for Paris from the flight after 2 hours; I'm just leaving," he paused. I knew he had more to say. "Move in till tomorrow." he completed, and this time I hummed and the line went dead from the other side. I removed the phone from my ear and slid it into my pocket again as I saw my car in near sight.

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