Without You

Chapter 28

"JiYoon." my dad says, as soon as I was about to walk out the door. I stop and turn to him.

"Yes?" I say. He sighs and gestures me with his hand to go to him. I do.

"I've noticed this for a while but I just never knew how to talk to you about it but, I've noticed your burn marks." he says. My breathing becomes heavy. "I saw the one on your chin and I thought you burnt yourself accidentally, but last night I saw you walk out the house with a lighter in your hand and I watched you as you threw it away. I'm probably a bad father for not talking about it to you last night, but I was in shock."

Tears form in my eyes.

"Honey, when did you start doing this?" he asks me, walking up to me and holding my shoulders.

"Years ago." I say. His eyes widen.

"Did you start because of your mother and I?" he asks me. I slowly nod. He hugs me really tight and I start sniffing.

"I'm so sorry that we made you feel this way. I...it's our fault that you had to cope like this. I'm sorry that we made it seem like you couldn't talk to us. I'm so sorry." he says, rubbing my back. I hug him back tightly.

"It's not just you Dad." I say. "It was school as well. It wasn't all your fault. It's okay."

He pulls away and smiles at me. He ruffles my hair and stands back up.

"If you need anyone to talk to, talk to me. Please don't hurt yourself again. I don't want to see you doing that again, okay? Come to me. I'm your father okay." he says. I nod my head and we both smile.

***

It's lunch time in school and I'm sitting alone on the grass. I watch everyone pass by and I just smile to myself. It feels like life is getting better. I was kind of sad that my parents divorced, but now I see that it was for a good reason. My mom cheated, and my dad is now communicating with me a lot more. I have somebody to talk to and I don't even want to see a lighter ever again.

I see Jungkook walk towards the canteen and I stand up quickly and run towards him. I finally catch up to him and walk beside him.

"Hey." I say. He looks at me and looks back forward.

"Hey." he says back. We continue walking side by side with each other. It was quiet the whole time, so I ended up sighing.

"I'm sorry." I say. He stops walking and looks at me. I stop as well. He sighs and forces out a smile.

"No. It's okay. I understand. It's hard for you to trust me. I mean, I didn't come off as a good guy as your first impression anyways. And with all the things I've done in the past to other girls, you probably even had doubts about me when we dated." he says. "And I understand why you're mad right now, I mean your mother...yeah."

I smile a little bit as he looks down at the floor.

"I threw away my lighter." I said. He looks up at me with his eyes widened, but with happiness.

I smile and then lifted up both sleeves of my sweater. I showed him the scabbed over burns on both arms. He stares at them for a while. I pulled my sleeves back down and then shyly untucked my uniform, showing the ones on my stomach. His eyes go wider. I pull it back down, not even bothering tucking it back in. I sigh.

"There's more on both my legs...even my ankles." I said. He looks at me, and I can tell that he doesn't know what to say.

"Was this because...when you saw me and her?" he asks. I nod.

"It wasn't you really." I said. "When I saw you, I had the urge to do it, but I told myself I wasn't going to do it over a guy. But then I found out my mom...and I just couldn't take it and I bought another lighter and I got home and burned myself everywhere. I was in so much pain and I didn't know who I could really trust."

"I'm so sorry." he says. I shake my head and rub my eyes. I'm not crying again. I've cried too much. I sighed and bit my bottom lip.

"I'm so sorry I doubted you the whole time. I mean, you understand why I did, right?" I tell him. He smiles and nods his head.

He reaches his hand out towards me and holds my cheek. I look up at him and he shakes his head.

"I'm just so sorry that I ever made you feel the way you felt. I tried to show you that I really like you and I just mess it up so many times, having you doubt me and everything." he says. I chuckle. I see him roll his eyes.

"Let me guess. Not used to this?" he says. I chuckle louder and nod my head.

"Well, I told you to get used to it." he says, while placing both arms around my waist. He leans down and kisses me.

I smile and then I start chuckling. He pulls away and then pulls me in for a hug. He hugs me really tight. A couple of seconds later, he pulls away and looks at me.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" he asks. I shrug.

"I don't know Jungkook. I mean you did break my heart and then you want me to forgive you just like that?" I say, in a slight sarcastic tone. I don't think he got it though, because his face went all down.

I chuckled and hugged him.

"Yes. I do. But if anything like this happens again, even with a good reason from you, I'm not forgiving you." I say. "Because I just don't want to be heart broken by other people's actions that you didn't mean to be a part of."

He pulls away and nods at me. I chuckle and shake my head.

"I can't believe all of this. I mean, you and I." I say. He smiles and flicks my nose. I roll my eyes.

"Same, honestly. In the beginning I didn't like you either." he says. My jaw drops and he starts laughing. I hit his arm.

"Hey! You can't say anything because you hated me too!" he shouts. I roll my eyes and he puts his arm around me.

"Oh my gosh!" I hear someone shout. We both turn around and see Jimin running towards us, and TaeHyung just walking behind him.

"You two are back together?!" Jimin shouts. Both Jungkook and I chuckled. TaeHyung finally reaches us. He smiles at me and I smile back at him.

"Maybe I won't mind being your guys' friend." I say. Jimin's smile grew bigger. "Well, maybe not Jimin."

"Yah! Why?!" he shouts. We all start laughing.

"Hey Jimin. I helped her get back together with Kookie. You did nothing." TaeHyung brags. Jimin scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"I'll have you know that I haven't beaten anyone up since holidays started two weeks ago." Jimin tells me.

"Wow, that's actually surprising." Jungkook says. Jimin twitches his lips in annoyance and I laugh.

"Lunch?" TaeHyung suggested. We all nodded our head and started walking towards the cafeteria.

"Hey, what happened to your ex JiYoon?" Jimin asks me. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't pay attention to him anymore." I say. "I'm just glad he doesn't come up to me anymore."

"And if he does, tell me." Jungkook says. I chuckle and nod my head.