𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘁𝗵𝘆𝗺𝗶𝗮 - TMR AU, Minho.

23 - 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜

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I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. It wasn't just the gaunt cheeks or the dark circles under my eyes.
it was the emptiness staring back at me.

I thought I could control it and keep it hidden for as long as it would take for me to be better. Look better.

But now, my body was betraying me. My hair was falling out in clumps, my skin was losing its color, and my bones ached.

every day felt like I was drowning a little more. The urge to restrict, to punish myself was overpowering. There was no escape, no relief. Just a constant, gnawing emptiness that nothing could fill.

I was disgusted by my own thoughts, but I couldn't shake them. I wanted to look sicker.
It wasn't about being thin enough anymore. It was about the addicting feeling of having an empty stomach.

Hunter wasn't making my life any easier.
Two days ago, Thomas had shown up at our house with his face all bloody.

Obviously I knew what had happened, but all he said was that he got into a fight with a drunk man.

Sure. Except, the drunk man was definitely Hunter. Now I knew that he was capable of doing more and I shouldn't have tested his patience in the first place.

I spent my day off at his house. It wasn't nice at all. He was never gentle, and especially not after everything I did.

I couldn't move without pain shooting through my whole body, each movement sending jolts of agony that made me want to cry out. Now I had gotten myself more cuts from his knife.

So there's no way out then? Do I have to suffer the consequences of that night forever? Is that it?

Might as well die and end all this suffering then. Seems like a better option than going through all this for nothing.

"Third table is ready to order!" Alby yelled out from the kitchen and I went straight to the table.

"One black coffee with two teaspoons of sugar, one bagel and you lied to me."

Huh?

I looked up, seeing Newt sitting at the table.

"About what?"

"You said it took ten minutes if you walked. It took ten minutes to drive." I couldn't tell if he looked confused, mad, or both. But I needed better lying skills, that's for sure. "Why'd you lie?"

"How's your nose Thomas?" I tried to change the topic, looking at Thomas who was sitting at the table too.

"Answer my question first." He grabbed my wrist and forced me to look at him.

"I wanted to walk." Easy.

"Then you wouldn't lie." Not so easy.

"I'm sorry, okay? No hard feelings, but I wanted some alone time that day."

He seemed taken aback, but he nodded, letting go of my wrist.

Hope I wasn't harsh.

I took an order from Thomas too and went back to the kitchen.

After serving them, I tried not to pay attention to anything but work.

Every time something slightly touched my skin, I felt unbearable pain everywhere, but I was trying my best not to express it.

I certainly did not want a whole bunch of people noticing that something was wrong with me, and especially my brother, with his boyfriend and.. ugh.

Minho.

He would definitely notice that something was off, and I didn't want that.

I took a break, hoping that in one hour they would be gone, but they weren't planning on leaving yet.

"Watcha doin'?" Minho sat in front of me with a firm smile on his face.

I could see his dimples.
Ha..! Cute.

"Taking a break as you see." I shrugged, looking down at the table.

"Usually people eat on their breaks, so I got you food, which you will eat."

"Well food is for eating, so you didn't need to state that."

He took out a little container from his backpack. There was a small sandwich, with french fries on the side.

Too many calories.

I tried to distract him by talking, but that clearly didn't work. He was waiting for me to eat, so I took a few bites of sandwich.

I immediately regretted it. I already ate yesterday. If I continued like that, I would never be able to be disciplined.

I casually excused myself to the bathroom without any expressions and in no time, all food was out of my stomach.

Good.

I went back to the table, checking the time. I still had
twenty-five minutes left, but I didn't need it, so I got back to work.

After my shift, I went home with Newt, Thomas, and Minho. They were gonna spend a night with us since our parents were out of town again.

Honestly, I enjoyed the times when they weren't home. It was nice, and calm. But today I couldn't get myself to enjoy anything at all.

I went up to my room, locking the door immediately, since I had learned from my mistakes.

I took off my shirt, looking at blood-soaked bandages, which were white in the morning.

I slowly took them off, wincing at every move I made. Cuts were deep. Deeper than any other one.

Well. Now I knew the consequences I had to face because I decided to act brave.

Heyy! I hope this chapter wasn't disturbing<3

If you want to talk, you can text me anytime, I mean it!!

Take care of yourselves loves!
Xx