ilomilo

Level 1.0

Wren

It didn't feel right. Knowing there was someone out there you were destined to fall in love with felt so stupid. I mean, people live their entire lives thinking they've found their person in every person they meet. At 12 you get your first boyfriend, you think he's the one, you start planning a future for the both of you and the next day he walks into school holding another girl's hand. 16 you meet the person of your dreams, they're kind to you, you're happy and you believe that maybe they could actually love you, despite everything. That doesn't last, you get your heart broken and everything feels impossible, loving somebody again feels impossible.
But love isn't that simple, it isn't something that's set in stone. You can't put a date or a time on falling in love.
That's why you fall into it, it's unexpected. It comes when you need it the most. It's like tripping on something and falling, it's accidental, you don't mean to do it. It just happens.

I'd always dreamed of falling in love. Finding my person. And then I got diagnosed with Cancer, one of life's many curve balls thrown in my direction.

And now I have no hope at all, because who would want to love someone who's last breath might be sooner than you think.

Okay, I know this may seem all doom and gloom but when you've been in and out of hospital for the majority of your life you start losing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma at a young age, treatments never seemed to take and oftentimes I feel like a ticking time bomb.
I've always been a weak child, growing up I would get fractures and breaks constantly. I would always end up with some type of immune system related illness, so to find out I had cancer was not as shocking for my parents as it probably should have been.

To me it was the end of the world.

Billie

Life used to be so full of color.

Call me pessimistic or whatever but now, now,  it's honestly so fucking full of shit.

Honestly, who gives a 16 year old so much responsibility. Everybody expects everything from me all of the time and I'm getting so tired of it.
I love what I do, don't get me wrong. It's what I live for, but god there are times where I wish I could go back and undo it all.

When I was diagnosed with clinical depression I thought it would rule my life. I was right, mostly, but it didn't stop me from doing what I loved. Actually it fueled it, it fueled the fire and helped me express more than what I was. Granted that stuff stays far away from the public, god knows people have a way of twisting things but it felt good to get out.

As well as all that shit, the pressure weighing down on my life has made living so much harder. I can't do anything without a crowd of people pushing and shoving each other just to get to me. I'm not even anything special. Fuck even the ‘friends' I had think I'm nothing special, I started getting too different and they bailed, now I have to go through this shit on my own.

My music is my outlet though, and those I can reach and connect with with my music are the people I feel really get me. But those kinds of people seem so few and far between now that I'm getting bigger. And that fact scares the shit out of me.

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

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A/N

hey hey its me, im not too sure who might have come from my other books but hello! or welcome back :)

Welcome to my new Billie fic.

Lifes not been the best atm so expect sporadic updates of both this story and my other ones. I want to get back in to my writing and what better to do that with then my silly little Billie Eilish hyperfixation lmao

anyway, i hope you enjoyed this short little introduction chapter, a short one but it kinda sets up the story and you should understand the layout the longer this story goes on. Im actually really excited for this one.

hope you have a good day/night and i shall see you in the next!!