Book 4: My Hands Are Tied (Axl Rose FanFic)

Ch. 13: The Woolard Girl

"I remember, the first day at school there was this big fucking commotion. I heard all these books hit the ground, yelling, and then Axl went running past. A bunch of fucking teachers chasing him down the hallway..." -Izzy

Choir was always so boring. I mean, church itself was so boring, but choir was really boring. At least in the pews I could steal away for a fake bathroom break, or I could daydream while looking at all of the carefully detailed gold coils and curls of paint that framed the various murals that decorated the walls with scenes from the Bible. I loved to daydream that I was there too, in some far away, make-believe place with Jesus and cute little lambs and not a care in the world to ruin it all.

But in choir, I was stuck in one spot, forced to pay attention and learn the words to hymns that I wasn't sure I cared about as much as they wanted me to. I had started to find my own fun in confusing the choir instructor by changing my pitch whenever he thought that he finally had all of the sopranos and altos and whatevers in their rightful places. Then we'd start up singing, I'd shift my voice to something totally different halfway through, and he would have to rearrange everyone all over again.

"A child should not have this much power," I thought with a smirk as I belted out the deepest note that I could muster with my tiny chest. I watched with amusement as the instructor became flabbergasted for about the tenth time.

I was a little extra rambunctious today. It was an extra special day, after all. One of the girls in the congregation, Christie Woolard, with her brown pigtails and her missing front tooth, the bubbly girl that all the other boys in Sunday School were always trying to play tag with...well, she wanted to play tag with me! Me! And then, when I caught up to her under the old oak tree at the end of the playground, both of us gasping for air and giggling like crazy, she held my hand and said to me, "I like you a lot, Billy."

And now I was making her laugh even more with my singing. She stood in front of me the first time it had happened and, thankfully, hadn't tattled. Now we kept locking eyes with one another over the heads of the other kids. And, just like that, something would come over me. I'd wanna' see her smile some more. I'd sing the exact opposite of whatever it was that I was supposed to be singing, and we would both fight back laughter as the instructor worked himself into another tizzy.

I was so giddy, I nearly forgot myself. That is, until choir practice was over and I was stuck with Him on the drive home. He reminded me of who I was pretty damn quick.

"I saw you and Christie Woolard making eyes at each other during practice today."

"I don't know what you-"

Smack!

The slap was so swift that I hardly had had time to react, but my siblings on either side of me had flinched out of habit. The sound echoed in the silence of the car, and an old familiar sting began to bloom across my cheek.

"In church of all places! Are you out of your mind?"

I didn't say anything. Nobody did. Not even mom. She never did.

Ah. I'd nearly forgotten that I wasn't a normal kid with a normal family and a normal life. I was a problem that needed to be fixed, a sinful child that needed purifying. But I remembered now. Remember what comes next, when we finally get home and He can really teach me a lesson.

I knew I should feel ashamed. Sex was a sin. Lusting after a girl was a sin. I wasn't supposed to be like this, but I couldn't help myself.

"Somebody actually likes me! Somebody wants to be my girlfriend!" It was the first time anyone had chosen me, the shrimpy redheaded kid with the freckles and the bruises. I felt like a star that had been plucked right out of its spot on the velvet blanket of night sky: terrified, exhilarated, displaced.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" The familiar, frustrated voice jerked me from my thoughts. My legs shook as his voice grew louder.

"You could just run as soon as the car is parked. Jump out and run. How could he catch you? He couldn't. He's old and big, but you're small enough to hide. Go hide in Christie's closet. Run away together and get married and never come back. Run and hide! Run and hide! Run and-"

"Are you even listening?"

"Yeah right." Where would I go? What would I do? Surely I was small enough to hide in a hole in the dirt, get swallowed up, disappear. That's what I wanted to do: I wanted to disappear.

"Fuck Christie Woolard, fuck this town, fuck this family, fuck YOU." I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop the words from escaping my mind and falling past my lips.

"Yes, sir."

I wanted to disappear.