𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 | George Mendez

V | Right place and right time

Friday! If I was out, I would be excited to go out drinking tonight. But well, I cant... Not that I know of. I don't have any duty today, actually, I don't have anything at all to do today. But I woke up, and the first things on my mind were Mendez and those methheads. Shouldn't they just team up? 

Showering in the morning used to be a chore to me. I used to always shower at night, but now I don't really have shit to do. So I started doing it in the morning and night, exchanging when I feel like it. With anxiety growing in my chest, I skip even going to the cafeteria at breakfast and just go straight outside in the yard. What should I do? 

I'm so scared since those methheads seem to be on my ass. Should I tell Red? Or Soso? Anyone? I'm honestly starting to lose it. 

I take my journal outside and sit somewhere no one can really see me. There's a little shack on the yard, I sit behind it on the dewy grass and start writing. I hope I don't get a UTI.

My situation: My fourth day in prison. A guard is bullying me and obsessing over me. I get to drive the prison vans outside of prison already. I made a couple of friends and have a prison family now. Nobody outside has called me yet. A couple methheads threatened me into smuggling drugs for them, but I said no and now I'm scared they'll beat me up.

Wow, what fun things can happen in only a couple days, huh? 

Here I sit, my ass wet, anxiety is eating me alive because not only am I hiding from the methheads, but also from Mendez. I don't know what he'll do if he finds me. But I'm scared. I can't hide out here forever unfortunately. I'm at my wits end.

I turn around the corner of the little shack to see if anyones nearby; nobody's around thankfully. At least I have the freedom to go outside. I silently let a couple tears fall, accepting my defeat. I don't know what to do; how do I keep going in this? I'm not tough. I'm not strong. Why can't Mendez be a really nice guy who loves me and protects me from danger? Instead he IS the danger!

I wish I could fast forward 8 months.

After sitting and crying for a while, I decide to try using the phone and calling my people outside. I could really use the positivity right now; Remembering that I exist outside this place, that there are people who love me. Paranoid to see the people I'm trying to avoid, I quietly check around every corner to make sure I don't accidentally run into them.

As soon as I reach the phone, I hastily dial up my dads number. Luckily he accepts the call and I get to hear his voice for the first time since getting here.

"Dad?", just him being on the phone is making me cry.
"Hey Sarah", he just says. He seems happy to talk to me. I cry and the lady next to hands me a little napkin; she's crying as well.

"I miss you so much", I tell him. This feeling of homesickness is the worst.

I can't stop crying. I can barely get out my words.

"We miss you too. How is it in there? How's my little girl?"

He sounds like he wants to cheer me up, but I can't seem to do that. I'm his little girl, if I'm outside or in here.

"It's been fine", I say through a couple sniffles, "I made some friends."
I don't wanna tell him the whole truth. I can't worry him. This is hard enough on him as it is already; he doesn't need to know about my struggles.

I tell him a bit about my new friends at the telephone. I'm turned against the window next to the couple phones, so that I'm further out of sight from people (also, so they can't see me crying).

I calm down a bit while talking to him and then get to my next number; my friends.
I want them to visit me tomorrow, not my family. Once I lose the homesickness, maybe I'll allow them to see me.