My best day - Minsung Oneshots ★

Heartbeat

II

Heartbeat

Minho's pov

I'm not the type of person to get taken aback because of someone showing affection, in the same way, I'm not even someone to give it rarely. Although, I might say, when it comes to Han, it's completely different.

I don't know precisely when it started, but it's around the time that we first decided to get together that I wasn't brave enough to show a minimum of affection towards Han.
I'm afraid that he might not like it or that I might do too much. I've never felt the kind of connection that we have together before with anyone and that's the reason I blame for my fears.
When I unconsciously touch him, he doesn't say nor do anything, and that's really weird, considering that he's not the one to ever shut up about things he likes. That's why I believe he doesn't really enjoy my affection. Yes, it isn't planned as I touch him unconsciously but still, I'd like to see some sort of reaction from him. So that when I first noticed I didn't get any, I was pretty shocked.

I've known Han for a lot of time and I'm completely sure he does show his love, even if not as much as I normally do. But since we've been together, none of us demonstrates it. So I've been wondering if there was something scaring him too. Of course, I can't just ask him out of the blue, or that would be random. Still, I need to find a way to get his affection as I deeply need it.
At the start of our relationship it wasn't really a problem, but since it's been slowing down lately, I feel like I need it more than ever. I need his affection, as much as someone ever could. But to ask him randomly for a shower of love, it would be too sudden.

-

01:34 a.m.

I've been trying to fall asleep for at least two hours now, yet no signs of my brain shutting down are showing. I just cannot fall asleep, no matter how much I try. I feel like something's missing. My heart feels empty and I don't know what to do about it. And of course, my mind always seems to go towards the boy I care for, Han. He's definitely asleep now as he went to bed way before me and I don't want to wake him up and disturb his sleep "because my heart hurts". He wouldn't take me seriously anyways.

What if I gave him attention first? Would our no-contact relationship slowly change towards one more lovely in that way? If I were to make the first step, the first move? Thinking it that way, I guess it would.

Since I can't even sleep, why wait any longer?
I'm nervous though. What if he wakes up? What if he hears me? What if he's not even sleeping yet? Why does my damn heart have to feel this way at
2 in the morning?

-

And that's how, after some time of contemplating my choice, I ended up in front of Han's bedroom. Lucky for me, he keeps the door opened. He's sleeping. I managed to get to his bed after making my way through his room, avoiding the cats going around the house being noisy as always. I snuggle up behind him, laying on his bed and cautiously put my arm around him, cuddling him. I didn't realise my heart was aching until my arm touched him and my body went from tense to relaxed, as if time slowed down. It felt... different, compared to other times we interacted. It felt amazing. My mind and body were relaxed and all the emptiness was transformed into a complete sense of safety and peace. Only one thing mattered now, and it was Han. He's the only one I've ever felt this safe and happy with. And right now, I'm also sure he's the only one I would clinge to and call when I feel badly. I felt also brave, as if nothing could have changed this moment. Han was mine to hold, protect and cherish as well as I was his to do anything he wanted to.

-

I'm still here, in Han's bed, with him in my arms. I thought he would have woke up when I first snuggled up behind him, but he didn't. I'm glad he didn't wake up because, even if I wanted to stop my heart from beating the aching agony it was, I didn't want to interrupt his precious sleep that he definitely deserves and needs.
I'm brave enough to do it again now as I really hope I can feel like this again. Feel as if I have a safe place, or even better, a safe person, to live with, and Han couldn't be none other than this person. I'm happy to have him. Sometimes I even wonder how I managed to get him, but that's a question for another time. In the meanwhile, I want to focus only on him, as he is the only one that can't seem to get off my mind, heart and soul as my heartbeat is, and will always be, the beat of his name.