TW: Alan being inappropriate and violence.
[Applause - Lady Gaga]
1:40 ─〇───── 2:13
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻After the terrifying revelation of the tattoo shop, we found a small bus that would take us all around the streets. We have no idea what to do at this point, but maybe if we take a second to chill out, something might come to us.
"You're wasting your time." Phil groans at Stu, who is trying to get some information out of the monk. "These monks take their vow shit seriously."
"Look at this." I pull out the monk's wrist, which has a black tattoo on the skin. "That's the sign of the Chiang Mei monastery just outside of town. Maybe somebody over there can get him to talk."
"Can we just go over this one more time?" Stu rubs his face. "You got the beer from?"
"The hotel bar," Phil answers. "They gave me a sealed case."
"Right. But who gave it to you?"
"The bartender." Phil shrugs.
"Right. Okay." Stu nods. "And then you brought them out and I opened them."
"Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine," I butt in. "So it's not the beer."
"So, what the hell happened?" Stu whisper-shouts.
"I have no idea." Phil glares at him.
"Hey, guys. Check it out," Alan joins. We turn to look at him, seeing him putting a water bottle under the monkey's shorts. "He's got a Chinese boner."
"Alan, come on. Cut it out." Phil tries to cover his laugh.
"The monkey is a pervert." Alan chuckles.
"Come on, that is so wrong," I smirk.
"Hey, don't stop, monkey, keep doing it." We all watch as the monkey bites the cap of the bottle under his shorts, making the other people on the bus laugh. "When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language. Oh, keep doing it!"
Phil, Stu and I keep an eye out for the monastery as we drive through the streets. Alan keeps playing with the monkey, talking to random people on the bus until we make it to our destination. I pay for our drive, all of us hopping off.
"Bye, Shannon. Bye, Lil Wayne." Alan waves, the monkey still on his shoulder.
We walk through the gates, seeing a garden of Eden. Bright and big flowers all over the grass, waterfalls and fountains, and pure and peaceful silence. A silence I haven't been able to experience since we woke up this morning. We walk towards a small group of people under a wooden gazebo, sitting on their knees.
"Ah, they're meditating." Alan bows. "Knock, knock! Hello?!"
"Alan, Alan, show some respect," Phil warns.
"Don't get up, guys." But Alan continues. "We brought one of your guys back. He's really funny. He's really nice and cool." The man at the front stands up, walking towards us. "Hi, how are you doing? Uh, are you the one in charge?" But using his wooden stick, he wacks it on Alan's face. "Hey! Aah!"
"Excuse me." I try but he pushes the stick into my stomach. "Ow!"
"Wait! Ah!" Next, it's Phil, the stick going to the back of his knees.
"Just calm down!" Then Stu, toppled over as the stick makes contact with his side. "Aah!"
"It's because" Phil tries. "Ow! We're talking! Ah!" But he keeps getting hit. "Stop talking. No talk. No talk. Shh. Okay. We no talk."
The monk walks us to a building, not saying a word about the abuse we just encountered. It takes me a while to properly stand, let alone walk, constantly feeling like I'm about to throw up from the mixture of a hangover and being propped with a stick in my stomach. Inside the building, we place the monk in the wheelchair to the side, the main monk standing in front of us.
"Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery" He says, "shouting out questions about love, marriage and the meaning of life. Poor Brother Han was meditating alone in the garden and you took him." He points to the monk in the wheelchair.
"Oh, my God." I gasp. "We kidnapped a monk. We're going to hell."
"Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle." Alan tries to justify. "And we are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night."
"Yup, things kind of spun out of control a little bit." Phil agrees. "But there's a boy who's missing
and hurt. Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?""Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago." The monk shakes his head. "It would be useless to try."
"Well, maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper," Stu suggests.
"Actually, that would be cheating," Alan whispers. "Right, Grand Wizard?"
"I'm afraid Fatty is right." The monk says, no humour on his face.
Alan smirks. "See?" But then his head turns to the monk. "What?"
"None of us will ever know what Brother Han knows." The monk continues.
"Oh, all right." Phil scoffs. "So much for holy people."
"Bunch of bald assholes," Alan whines.
"Come on, let's go." I sigh. "Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna put some signs up that say 'no talking' before you unleash your dragon."
"Yeah, that was a little rough." Stu agrees.
"You're welcome for bringing him back safe." Phil chants. "You know, we found him in a drunk tank."
"We did take him in the first place," Stu mutters.
"Come on, guys, let's go." Phil ignores him.
"Wait." The monk stops us. "The Buddha teach that every memory lives somewhere deep within. Perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation."
"Did you understand a word he said?" I ask the guys quietly.
"About two-thirds." Stu shrugs.
"Something about the garden of meditation?" Phil frowns.
"No, he said he's farting because of his medication." Alan shakes his head, a confident smile on his face. "I get that."
Ignoring Alan's comment, the monk takes us to the gazebo, where we join the rest of the men on our knees. I keep my eyes closed beside Phil, hoping and praying that this, our last lead, may make me remember something, anything, about last night.
"I don't remember anything." I sigh, opening my eyes. "Do you?"
"No." Phil groans.
"I got nothing." Stu talks, turning to Alan. "Alan? Alan?" But Alan keeps his eyes closed, looking like he's slowly remembering something.
After a while, Alan's eyes pop open. "I know where to go."
———————————————
PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT
YOU ARE READING
𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 🍸 𝘱.𝘸
Humor𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 🍸🍸🍸 When they all wake up again, in an unknown place, a headache to last them a lifetime and their memory gone, they know they've all messed up again. But, this time it's even worse. The stakes a...