"So you're always like this?" I dared to ask him, even when my brain told me not to do so. The guy was the walking destructive machine. "Like what?" He challenged me.
"You know...Uh...cursing and...and always angry like someone stole your lollipop...
The drive to home never looked so long, I was literally counting minutes to get home and cry everything out of my system. I can't express my anger, can't let my emotions turn into rage.
So when I can't get angry like normal people do I cry. I cry so I can get it all out and then I sleep it out. Also I could see that my friendship with these guys will not work. They were normal, I wasn't. I was what Royal said on crack. Who can't enjoy normal things like action movies, can't get angry.
No one would ever understand how hard it is to control your anger because you're afraid of it. But for me it's a constant battle between keeping my cool and loosing myself altogether. I looked outside the window while Nate spoke to me "Peyton...We're here." He said gently placing his hand on mine.
I looked at him nodding "Thanks for the ride." I said and opened the door.
Nate caught my arm "Look...if you want to talk, you can talk to me okay?" He said looking at me.
"It's not worth talking. Good night." I said and got out of the car.
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Aunt Lena was sitting on the couch when I got into the apartment. She gave me one look and understood "Rough night?" She asked.
I dropped myself on the couch beside her "I really hate that woman Aunt Lena." I muttered.
She didn't say anything; there was nothing she could say to make it better. "I live in a constant fear of losing myself. It's not healthy." I said looking at the ceiling.
"I can't even get mad when you eat my strawberry yogurt. I cry for pity things, I'm on crack." I said a tear running down my cheek.
"Whoever said you're on crack doesn't know you Payton, you're not a freak. You're just different. And it will take some time to get over it but you eventually will. People you love will help you get over it." She said running her fingers through my hairs.
"I'm afraid you're wrong about that. People doesn't want to deal with crazy, they want happy and normal things. And I'm not going to go around telling people I'm an Angrophobic. How many people can possibly hold their anger, besides holding anger is not healthy." I said back.
She smiled "I don't know, I've been controlling my anger from past ten years. Do I look unhealthy to you?" She asked. I looked at her and shook my head no. And it was true, after we found out that I had Angrophobia I never saw her getting mad, yelling or even talking in a raised voice.
But she did it because she loved me and she's my only family. But I can't expect that from say my friends or from a stranger. I sighed; if I keep on moping around with sad eyes then she will feel bad. "I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed. Don't worry about me; it's not something new we're dealing with." I said smiling and got up.
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