Unwoven Bonds

Prologue

It has been 8 years, 8 years locked in a cage, 8 years of replaying the worst moments of my life on a loop: The corpse of my best friend, and the genuine hate in my parents' eyes, Remus sliding me the newspaper clip showcasing Reg's death, Regulus siding with Voldemort, James almost getting killed to save Snape, The sound of Orion's belt bouncing off my skin, the aching wounds, the scars on my body, and more than most, Pettigrew. As I closed my eyes, I could still feel the blast, the rat outmanoeuvring me, the corpse of twelve muggles lying dead, the Aurors arriving, the last of my hope vanishing.

All while knowing it was my fault, my plan, my idea that caused it. Sure, Peter was the one who betrayed us all, but the guilt weighed my conscience as well. It wasn’t just Voldemort and the death eaters that orphaned Harry. It was my ego as well.

At the thoughts of my godson and some relatively good memories and emotions, I could feel a bit of clarity seeping into my mind. I tried to remember his face, but as I concentrated, the only memory I could catch a hold on was of his scar as I handed him to Hagrid.

I was deep in my thoughts as the dementor slid in some food. The closer it got, the more frazzled my mind was. In the background, I could hear my cousin Bella's screams if I concentrated hard. It was now a constant in my life at Azkaban, if you could even call it that. It was only the mantra of I'm innocent. I'm innocent, and my Animagus form that kept me sane in this hellhole.

I almost ignored the food as I always do, but I noticed a sheet of parchment. At first, I thought Moony had finally decided to check if i really was the one guilty. It was purely a delusional thought, I knew, because there was no reason for him to doubt it suddenly after so many years. So, I slid closer to the food tray out of curiosity, and the envelope's salutation came into view. It was addressed to me as Sirius .

...........

As I posted the letter, I wondered when I would get a reply, if ever. I had started drafting the letter as soon as I saw it in the muggle newspaper. The last full moon had been particularly bad, leaving me unemployed again. At the end of the month, the debt was due, and my only possession that could pay it off was the apartment. The apartment held countless memories of all my friends - James, Peter, Lily, and him.

I pondered what life would be like had he not betrayed all our trust. Maybe Voldemort would have been alive and terrorizing, but at least I wouldn't have to feel that ache in my heart each day, that the person I trusted most would be the one to shatter my heart so relentlessly.

Given what was going on, there was a high chance I might confront him after all these years and ask why? Why surrender us to Voldemort? Why leave your best friend to die after all we’ve been through?

I forced all thoughts about him out of my mind, turning towards the newspapers in search of another job and perhaps another escape.