It's Over

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The week of Valentine's Day, 2024.

The past few days, a subject kept coming up. The subject of me cheating, once again. The first time was in eighth grade, and here it is happening again in high school. However, this time was different. He believed those rumors this time instead of believing me from the start. He told me he knew he could never trust me and that he knew that I would cheat on him at some point. He asked me if all of the memories we've made together even meant anything to me and asked me how long I was doing it for and what I was thinking. I was so confused. At first, I wondered where these rumors came up, but then I remembered. My co-worker. At the time, my co-worker and I were very close. We were best friends. Until he told me he developed feelings for me. I told Riley, and he told me not to worry about it, so I didn't. But then he started to get inappropriate with me. Touching me every chance he got, looking at me, calling me sexy and hot when I was just trying to work. I tried to get some advice out of Riley or help, and all he came back with was, "Just quit." He didn't know how hard it was to "just quit, " given the circumstance. I tried everything I could, and somehow, it still got out, and the story was spun to make me seem like the bad guy. He yelled at me, cursed at me, and all I was able to do was just be quiet and listen. I told him to hold on and that we should just sleep on the situation and try to be grown-ups about it. But something in me told me we weren't something that was worth being saved anymore. We were both clearly unhappy, damaged, hurt, and it was something we had to just drop and never look back on. 

February 15th, 2024, the next day, we ended everything. We let go of the 2 years we had built together. When we finally ended everything, all the toxicity, manipulation, the guilt trips, the frustration, everything in my mind went quiet. The tornado around me suddenly was gone, I was able to hear the birds singing outside my window, the color on my face returned, I looked around my room, I saw the mess of clothes and wondered how I let it get this way. I felt overwhelmed by the feeling of relief. I was free from my pain and worry. I was able to be myself again, a better version of myself even. I just knew I never wanted to be like him again. I wanted to improve myself, and I knew I had to do that by first repairing the relationships with the people I lost. starting with my cousin. by this time, we were both 16. river was in their own relationship by this time, and they were living life to the fullest. I wasn't at all sure how to start talking to them, so I started simple and built up from there. They were angry, they told me how awful I had become and how rude I was, and asked me how I could just drop them like that with no rhyme or reason. I felt horrible. I've hurt them so badly. We ended up talking more and more and we (somewhat) have a better relationship with each other, I cannot count the amount of times I apologized, but I know nothing would ever really make it all better and I would just have to keep going. 

But little did I know of the adventure I was about to go on.

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