If he was asked about his life, young Marcus Anderson would probably see it as an "exciting rollercoaster ride," full of fun while it lasts, but it came to a complete stop when Ellie Miller, his childhood friend, had to leave him.
Everything was s...
"What I'm trying to say is I li-" He wasn't even halfway done when suddenly, Ellie's father, James, calls out her name
"Ellie, sweetheart! Time to go say bye to the guests! We have to go now!!" He loudly spoke as he saw her in the yard with Marcus, leaning against the doorframe.
"Coming papa!" She hurriedly says
"I-I'm so sorry for leaving, I- I think we're gonna pack our things straight away. Happy Birthday again, Mars!" She hurriedly greeted the boy for the second time
"Ah! Didn't know it was your birthday, kiddo. Happy birthday bud" Her father, George greeted him, leaving him alone in the backyard. The last time he saw Ellie was that very moment. Because when he got to the living room where he assumed Ellie's family was, still bidding people goodbye in, all he saw was the entrance door left out open, with the swift smoke drifting as Ellie and her family drove away. People, including his parents were waving at them and wishing them a safe ride, but him? He doesn't have any energy left to do anything now. It's like Ellie took every bit of his cheerfulness with her.
In reality, the birthday party's aftermath left a lot of people cheering, hugging, smiling, and for the kids at his age— playing and screaming.
But in his mind, what he heard there was nothing but deafening silence. Yet, if you listen close enough behind the barriers of his chaotic and tangled thoughts, there's a sound that echoes in the walls of his brain, and it's the last words he'll probably ever hear from her, ever again.
"I promise you, we will come back to you as soon as possible."
"I will come back to you." "I will come back to you." "I will come back to you." "I will come back to you."
"I'll miss you a lot." "I'll miss you a lot." "I'll miss you a lot."
How can something be so saccharine, get so bitter in a second, when a single word was spoken?
"Ellie, sweetheart! Time to go say bye to the guests!" "Ellie, sweetheart! Time to go say bye to the guests!" "Ellie, sweetheart! Time to go say bye to the guests!"
How can something be so shiny, become so tarnished in the next minute?
"Just go straight to the point, Marcus. Tell her you like her. It's that easy!" "Just go straight to the point, Marcus. Tell her you like her. It's that easy!" "Just go straight to the point, Marcus. Tell her you like her. It's that easy!"
How can he lose something so grand, that when he was just about to step into the opened door— it gets shut, and all the windows get boarded now. Just like that?
"We'll go now!!" "We'll go now!!" "We'll go now!!"
This isn't merely about a boy who lost his opportunity to tell a girl who's been his best friend for 3 years, that he likes her. No, it's not that. He couldn't even care less about that. As long as she was with him, everything will be just fine. As long as she was there for him, and he was there for her, everything would be okay.
And, he was afraid of rejection, to be fair. Wait, no. Let me rephrase that. He was afraid of losing her. So he was half-glad someone stopped him. But the realization? The realization when he could've told her sooner, and that she was more likely to say yes to him than no? When they could've had a taste of sweet summer love, even if it didn't last forever?
Realizing that— even if he managed to go back in time and do all of the right things he thinks he should've done with her— fate had never aligned their stars this early. She would still leave him. And he would still lose her.
He regretted how he didn't make most of their time while stargazing for the very last moment— because he thought everything would still be the same tomorrow.
He was delusional of thinking that he would still get to play monopoly with her in the grassy park tomorrow, go out in the sun, and eat some ice cream, when none of that will ever happen again.
He regretted being so immersed in the present with her so much, that he didn't even think about the future— that she'll probably leave him in just a few minutes, only seeing that now, she's as gone as a bubble.
He hates knowing that— she'll probably move on from him really fast, and he won't, and he never will. He will never move on from the girl who brought spring into his drought, who let the sunlight bask in his freezing palms, the one who got away.
Because, even if he was just a kid who doesn't know anything about "true love", "relationships," or what "love" really feels, he already knew to himself that she was his first love, and also, his last.
He ate dinner with his family with silence so awkward he just wanted to eat and leave there quickly. The unaddressed tension loomed over their meal, obscuring the usual familial warmth that had once filled the room like a storm cloud, each bite and clink of cutlery echoing louder. Both of his parents noticed his usual joyous expression now subdued, tinged with a hint of sadness. No one wanted to bring it up.
He fell asleep on the night of his birthday, and instead of a smile painted on his slumbering face, he wept while sleeping, dampening his favourite spiderman-printed pillowcase. Grandma June even bought it for him. Every tear that fell from his face, represented the stars in the night sky of May 18, 2004, stars that were like jars preserving his unmailed love letters to Ellie.
