I Didn't Mean It

I Don't Love Draco Malfoy

Y/N POV

Going out with Sam helped you feel better about what happened with Draco, Sam was cool with you going after him. You didn't want anything to do with him, unfortunately you had a few classes with him and you sat next to him in Potions so totally avoiding him was not an option.

When you walked into Potions on Monday he was already there and he was waiting for you, you took a deep breath and told yourself you were going to establish boundaries with him like never talking to each other unless you had to. You sat and held back the urge to look at him and unpacked your bag to get yourself ready for class to start.

"Y/N, can we talk? Can I explain?" He whispers, you look at him and he looked upset but you did your best to ignore that and focus on what happened and how you felt.

"Explain what? Nothing happened." You whisper and smile then go back to setting up your desk.

"But something did happen."

"Nothing happened."

"But there was a m-"

"There was nothing Draco, there is nothing. Nothing happened okay? It was meaningless sex; there was no moment or anything." Thankfully Snape started class, you didn't notice but Snape gave Draco a dirty look and went on teaching. 

***

After class was lunch but Draco pulled you outside and demanded you to talk to him before you even got to the Great Hall. The courtyard was small and empty so you both could talk in private.

"Please let me ap-"

"NO! Don't apologize to me, don't say anything to me! There's nothing to say Draco!"

"Why don't you want me to apologize? I'm sorry for hurting you by getting back with Astoria." You started to cry and he didn't know if he should comfort you or not.

"I shouldn't have slept with you, it was stupid." You say trying to calm down and wiping the tears even though more were coming out.

"We both wanted it and enjoyed it right? In that moment it wasn't stupid." You look at him with more tears in your eyes and a look that could kill.

"Yeah I did, I wanted it and I enjoyed it. I was stupid because I let the one guy who has treated me and my family like shit since he met me, the one person I shouldn't trust at all take my virginity. It didn't mean anything to you, I knew that. And it didn't mean anything to me I knew you would go back to her even after how much of a horrible person she is to you. I was just for comfort and it was a mistake!"

"Wait, you were a virgin?" His body language softened along with his tone and face.

"Yeah." You quietly reply, he took a step closer to you but you just walked away and went to lunch. On the way to lunch you kept repeating the same sentence over and over in your head.

'I do not love Draco Malfoy.'

***

When you got to lunch Sam, Elenore, and Melonie ran up to you and ushered you to the Hufflepuff common room.

"What are you three doing?"

"What happened you've been crying." Sam asked.

"Did you talk to Draco?" Elenore and Melonie ask in sync like you and Sam have done on many occasions.

"You told them?" You look at Sam who had her lips pressed together. "Never mind, yes I talked to him."

"And?" All three girls say and lean in; you were going to lie but only the truth came out.

"I love him." You say and sob into your friends and told them everything that happened between you and Draco and how you really felt. You were in love with him but you really didn't want to be.