𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘁𝗵𝘆𝗺𝗶𝗮 - TMR AU, Minho.

26 - 𝙽𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜

I was sitting in the living room, my hands trembling as I tried to focus on the details around me—the pattern on the rug, the way the light filtered through the curtains.

My chest felt like it was being crushed. every breath was a struggle. The weight of what I've just revealed hung heavy in the air, suffocating me.

I glanced at Newt. He was pacing back and forth, his face a mask of anger and frustration. I could tell he was furious. He kept muttering under his breath, clenching and unclenching his fists and jaw.

I tried to make myself smaller, sinking into the couch cushions. My mind raced, replaying everything over and over. I felt exposed, vulnerable. The room seemed to close in on me, the walls pressing closer and closer. I wanted to disappear, to escape this unbearable feeling.

Every time I tried to steady my breath, it caught in my throat, and I felt like I was drowning. My vision blurred with unshed tears, and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, loud and insistent. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping to keep from falling apart completely.

I kept hearing Newt's voice, strained and broken. But all I could focus on was this overwhelming feeling that was consuming me from the inside out.

I felt hands on my knees and I realized that I was shaking uncontrollably. I looked up to see Thomas kneeling in front of me, trying to help me and Newt to calm down.

"How long has this been going on?" I could hear Newt's heavy breaths as he came closer to me.

I didn't answer. I was too ashamed of everything. Of myself.

He repeated the question, in a slightly calmer tone than before.

"Two years," I muttered, hoping that he didn't hear it.

"Two years?!" Guess we're back to yelling.

Thomas tries to calm him down, and suddenly Newt does stop. "Did you know about this?" He turns at Minho.

That's not good.

"Not about everything."

"What's that supposed to mean? Is there more?!"

I wanted to press my palms on my ears, so I wouldn't hear him yelling.
I never liked it when someone was raising their voice at me, or anyone.
It always felt awful.

Thomas noticed and whispered something into Newt's ear, which calmed him down a little bit.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice got quiet. Barely above the whisper.

There are so many reasons why I kept everything to myself, but he would get mad at every single one of them.

"I don't know," I choked on my tears.

"Is there more I should know?" I shook my head.

"You're lying."

"She is lying." Really, Minho?

"Okay. So you clearly know more than me. Tell me."

Honestly his calm voice scared me more than when he was yelling.
I could tell that even one word from Minho could be the reason for Newt's burst out.

Minho looked at me to get my consent to share more. I nodded in agreement, not seeing the point of keeping anything hidden now.

Might as well get over everything so at least the guilt of lying will disappear.

Minho began to tell him everything I told him. And I mean everything.

About the scars, about that night when he left.. everything.

"Let me get this straight. When you were telling me that you were calling her daily, that was a lie?"

Minho had exactly a second to nod before he got pinned against the wall with Newt's hand clenching on his collar.

I wanted to stop him, but Minho shook his head and motioned me to not interfere. "Listen man, I'm really sorry."

"You left my sister, and didn't talk to her for two years! And you're sorry?!"

Newt continued yelling at Minho, blaming him and himself. I could see Thomas trying to calm him down, to convince him that it wasn't his fault.

It really wasn't. I wanted to scream at him to stop blaming himself. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.

See that's exactly why I was keeping everything to myself. To avoid all this.
Now Newt was mad at me, at Minho, and himself. It wasn't fair.

Nothing was fair.

My existence wasn't fair.

It felt like I was suffocating in my own skin, a weight pressing down on my chest that I couldn't shake.

I wanted to answer Newt's questions, but all I could do was wrap my arms around my body and stare at nothing.
I couldn't even cry anymore. Everything was numb.

I was numb.

Every mistake I make feels like proof that I shouldn't be here. I try to help, to be useful, but it's never enough. I'm never enough. It's like I'm dragging everyone down, making their lives harder just by existing.

I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to exist. I wish I could erase myself, vanish into the thin air, and leave no trace.

Maybe then they'd find peace. Maybe then they'd finally be happy.

Heyyy<33

This may feel rushed, but I have some ideas, I promise.))
Besides, I'm not planning on making this fanfic too long, but we'll see.

Anyway, take care loves!! ☆
Xx