Valor Heights Varsity

11 Always Prepared

Mason

   Most people liked there football stadiums loud and alive. When all the action was going down and energy coursed through the air. I liked it that way too, but I liked ideally, I'd always been partial to a quiet field. I liked it most when it was at peace. The quiet before the storm, the preparation before the battle.
It's one of the things that made me a good football player. I was always prepared. This was my chessboard and I knew it better than anyone else.
Most of the guys my age thrives only on the glory. They just played for the girls and the lights and the crowd. They hated the quiet, the preparation. Those guys were half assed at practice and all show on Friday night.
I hated that.
I won my games in my preparation. In the quiet. In my mind. I couldn't always be the most talented, but I knew I would always be the most prepared. After all that's what is took to be qb1 of the Wildcats.
But this morning, in my solitude, all I could think of was that girl. I hadn't been prepared Friday night. Not for that and not for her.
Over the weekend my mind had played— on repeat— that encounter, in my head. The way she felt. The way she looked. The way she spoke.
I had said too much.
I hadn't been myself. At least not the guy I'd been for the last four years. Whoever that guy was on Friday, I didn't know him.
I wasn't prepared. I was never not prepared. But still I was stuck in my head.
Boss shouts during our morning practice, Coach Roe and Coach Millar on either side. He was tearing on us about something. Execution maybe? Something about entitlement? I don't know something with an E. I should, but the memory of Autumns voice just kept dulling everything else out.
Most of the time, mornings consisted of weights and conditioning. That would change as the season continued, but for now it was too hot to condition in the afternoon. I could get away with day dreaming during morning practice but I had to ride this girl from my mind before this afternoon.
After school practice was for plays and technical training. That's when booster and parents and whoever, showed up to see the action. They didn't give a crap about the basics. They wanted to see the agility, the drills. All the hard stuff, yeah, that was done in the shadows. I had to be sharp. I didn't need any rumours about me being 'unfocused' and 'off my game'. The people in this town would have a field day with that.
So it's was decided. I was not allowed to think about her anymore... or at least until after this afternoons practice. That sounds easy enough, right?
"Dude" Kaden bumps my arm and draws my attention before mouthing 'what the fuck?' At me. He knows me too well. This isn't normal and he knows it. I give him my best 'screw off' look before zoning back onto coach.
"and that's why today we will be running laps." He shouts over his team. Yikes. I don't know what I missed but coach only has us run laps when we screwed up. With multiple grunts and groans the entire offensive line takes way to the track at a lethargic pace.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were training for Toddlers and Tiaras, since you seem to have quite the attitudes today why don't we add five. Keep moaning like that and we will gladly add some another five." As we started to jog the track Kade fell into place beside me.
   "Dude, what's your deal. You're all out of it and zoned out." She asks.
    "It's nothing don't worry about it." My voice is hard and I don't bother to glance over at him. I'm not discussing this.
I made a promise.
    "But.." he started in again, before he even finished I hit him with a cold glare and it was done. "Jesus who pissed in your cereal this morning." He muttered and lifted his hands in surrender as I picked up the pace and moved away from him.
No chance was I gonna share with him any of that. He wouldn't understand.
Nobody would.

***

I couldn't focus. Not during practice, not during school, not when I was supposed to be preparing for the next game. But as much as I told myself that, the memory of her was like a song stuck in my head. The more I tried to push it away, the louder it played.
I went through the motions of practice, executing the drills and plays with precision, but my mind was elsewhere. The coaches didn't seem to notice—thankfully, my muscle memory was enough to get me through the morning session without any major screw-ups. But I knew I couldn't keep this up. I had to get a grip.
A wistle blew, signaling the end of practice and the start of the school day. I hit the showers, letting the hot water wash away the sweat and hopefully some of the thoughts that were clouding my mind. I had a long day ahead of me, and I needed to focus.
It was  when I was  walking to my first class, I saw her.
She was standing by her locker, talking to Summer. She looked different in the daylight, more fragile somehow, but still with that quiet strength that had drawn me to her in the first place. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and she gave me a small, shy smile before looking away.
I felt that now-familiar smile/throw up feeling again. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to keep walking. I couldn't afford to get distracted. Not now.
The day dragged on, each class blending into the next. By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted. I sat with my usual group of friends, but I was barely paying attention to the conversation. My mind kept drifting back to Autumn, It felt like we had shared something important, something real.
"Hey, Earth to Mason," my friend Kaiden said, snapping his fingers in front of my face.
"You okay, man? You've been zoning out all day."
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Just tired, I guess."
Kade gave me a skeptical look but didn't press the issue. He knew better than to push me when I didn't want to talk.
It wasn't long before I was back on the field for afternoon practice.
I made it through the drills and scrimmages without any major issues, but I knew I wasn't at my best. Coach Roe pulled me aside at the end of practice, his stern face softened by a hint of concern.
    "What's going on with you, Montgomery? You seem off."
     "Just a lot on my mind with the game this Friday, Coach," I lied , trying to sound casual. He watched me for a moment with suspicion in his eyes. Before he seemed to let it go.
    "Well, whatever it is, you need to get it sorted. We need you focused, especially with the game coming up."
     "I know, Coach. I got it under control." I reassured him. I always did anyway. I was always prepared.
He gave me a curt nod and walked away, leaving me standing alone on the field. I took a deep breath and looked out over the empty stadium. The quiet before the storm, I reminded myself. This was my time to prepare, to get my head straight.
As I walked back to my truck, I saw Autumn again. She was waiting by the edge of the field, her arms wrapped around herself as if she was trying to hold herself together. She looked up as I approached, and for a moment, I saw the same vulnerability in her eyes that I had felt the other night. She looked exhausted and nervous. That made me uneasy.
The light circles under her eyes made me think she hadn't slept. She looked a little pale.
I hadn't noticed this morning. Maybe I had been too far, or maybe it was because I had spent too much time much time in my own damn memory of her.
"You alright?" I asked, stopping a few feet away from her.
    "Yes," she replied, in a soft voice that didn't have me convinced. "I was hoping to catch you before you left. I just... I wanted to thank you again for Friday night. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been there."
I gave her a nod. She didn't have to thank me. I'd do it again in a heart beat.

She smiled, and for a moment, everything else faded away. The noise, the pressure, the expectations—it all disappeared, leaving just the two of us standing there, connected by something I couldn't quite define.
    "I should go, Baker will be her any second." she said, breaking the moment. "But I'll see you around?"
   "Yeah," I said, watching as she walked away. "I'll see you around."
As I drove home, I realized that no matter how much I tried to push her out of my mind, her memory was determined to stay. She had become a part of my thoughts. She was affecting everything.
I didn't know how, but I had to get her out.
Your broken. I reminded myself. She doesn't need you.
Football. I decided. Football is what you're good at. There's no kind, sweet girl to hurt there.
No more Autumn Nix.