The Mafia's Dove (Hyunjin centric)

Tanto

(. . . . So how are you guys? It's been a while? Kind of a short chapter that's mainly inner monologue, but I have a lot of things I need to build up, and while this was originally meant to be one mega chapter, it would have been WAY too long, and I liked where I ended this, so . . . See all of you in the next chapter. Which I will most likely get out a lot faster than this one. Thank you for being so patient.)

(⚠️ Warning: Suicidal Ideation ⚠️)

The cuts on my heel throbbed slightly as Felix recleaned them, the disinfectant burning the slightly agitated wounds. Walking on them so much the night before resulted in them being more tender and swollen, the skin around the cuts beginning to bruise much to Felix's distaste. He had insisted on tending to it as soon as he saw me first thing in the morning, and because I knew he would stress about it if I didn't let him, I made no move to stop him as he guided me into his room and sat me down on his bed.

The bluenette handled my injuries with a care I wasn't quite used to, his moves delicate and feather-like in comparison to the efficient speed and roughness I used when I treated myself. He was obviously trying his best not to hurt me, but no level of roughness towards cleaning a wound would be enough to elicit a response from me. But still, the pain Felix assumed I was attempting to hide was a perfect cover for my lack of words, and my expression remained blank as I took solace in the momentary peace.

My mind had been frayed since last night, the multiple nightmares that plagued me after my breakdown resulting in a restless and fruitless sleep. Hallucinating my brother had only been the start of it, and his face continued to haunt me as my nightmares reignited the pain in my scars I had tried desperately to forget.

Even now the burn of electricity felt all too vivid, and I resisted the urge to scratch at my scars as the feeling of being burned and cut into took up residence in my mind. Being taunted by my past trauma all night had worn on me, my body and mind exhausted despite the day just starting.

But for the others I could fake it. The thought of ruining their vacation was so distressing that it was dread alone that fueled my ability to keep my mask intact. Thankfully for the moment I could allow myself to let the mask fall without being questioned. Felix was too focused on my foot to notice my mood anyway. And if I took comfort in his presence that managed to keep my mind from drifting too far, that was yet another thing I wouldn't voice.

He smiled up at me as soon as he finished wrapping my foot, his hands still lightly gripping my ankle as he patted the top of my foot in reassuring finality before pulling away. My foot fell from Felix's grasp and onto the floor as he stood, and I subtly breathed in a composing breath before I willed myself to return his smile. Doing so required more energy than normal, but I was fortunately able to appear convincing as I carefully put pressure onto my foot again.

I stood up slowly, not exactly tempted to reverse Felix's hard work as I felt my wounds protest slightly from the sudden weight. The more I walked on it the more numb I would become to the small nuisance, but a part of me hoped the minor physical pain would be able to distract me from my sudden mental . . . offness.

"Are you going to be okay walking today?"

I looked up to see Felix giving me a poorly hidden look of concern as he watched me tentatively walk on my foot, his brows furrowed in a way that made me want to walk over and smooth the wrinkles out with my finger. I resisted the urge and simply nodded, and though he clearly wasn't satisfied with my response, he made no move to protest as I began walking towards his door with my attention still on him.

"It's more of a nuisance than anything. I've worked through much worse." I barely managed to suppress a flinch as one of the scars on my back flared to life with phantom pain, the ghostly touches of agony brushing against my skin in a silent reminder of what exactly 'worse' meant.