your making it too obvious (drarry)

realisation

Draco's Pov:

I laid in my bed for hours on end, i didn't sleep at all last night. My brain is scattered with confusion about whatever this 'Harry' situation i have going on in my head is, i need to think about this throughout today. Theres no way i'm going to lessons with this mind set, i'll be a mess! Also i do really need to get some sleep, i will just say i'm ill if anyone asks. 

Just as i'm about to re-close my eyes i see someone looking over me, i see its Harry so i slightly sit up. I don't know if its just me or he looks different today, maybe my mind has been taken over by something.

H: "Draco, you need to get ready." 

"I don't feel good, i'm not going." I roll on my side and close my eyes.

H: "Do you want me to tell Madam Promfrey?." 

"no, i'll be ok Harry." 

H: "Ok, i hope you feel better soon. I'll try and see you again if i can." I nod and i hear him walk out.

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Every time i try and to close my eyes and nap i just cant, my mind is racing with confusion and questions i need to figure out. 

As i cant sleep i just stare out of the window tucked up in my bed all cozy and warm, i then look over at my sketchbook which is on the floor with the it open on the page i sketched Harry from last night. 

More and More i look at the sketch the more i keep realising i have some sort of feelings towards this boy, but i don't know if they're real of not. I don't know anything about myself...like am i gay? Do i like Harry? Am i a good person? Am i a bad person? I just DON'T KNOW! i never have known. I was always tossed around by my father my whole life before he got sentenced to Azkaban for the second time, he had ruined my teenage life. 

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I have nothing to do so i decide i need to count my crushes, people i've liked. I grab a piece of paper and a quill and try and write down names but i cant, i've never fully crushed properly on anyone. No-one has ever caught my eye except...Harry. So does that answer my question, i'm- gay?. I feel my air leave my body, i feel tears flood my eyes. "i- i'm...gay." i whisper to myself.

I burst out in tears holding my body in a fetus position, and then i realise i will have to tell people, my friends...my mother. Oh gosh my mother, what is she going to think of me. She might just kick me out. Is this what its like...to feel useless, defenceless, alone because i hate it so much. I then hear a knock on the dorm door, i yell enter in a shaky voice due to the crying.

H: "Draco how do you- Draco are you okay?." I wipe my eyes and look at him like i'm ok.

"yeah, yeah i'm fine. Its nothing." I roll back over to my side avoiding eye contact with him.

H: "Draco you can tell me." 

"Im just worried, about my mother being alone in the manor. She has no one in that huge place and i'm just here leaving her." I lie, well sort of i do feel like that sometimes. 

H: "Draco i'm sure she's perfectly fine, has she written to you?."

"yeah, she has." I wipe my eyes again.

H: "See, she's fine Draco. How do you fe-." 

"Harry i would really just like to be left alone, if you don't mind." My voice cracks.

H: "Oh okay, i guess i'll speak to you later, or tomorrow maybe."

"yeah, thats fine. bye Harry." 

H: "Bye Draco."

Once he leaves i hit a pillow out of anger, pain and frustration. Why does it have to be me, cant my life be easy for once. Thats all i ask for once, just once...please.