A Thousand Miles Into Your Heart

Chapter 2

"Sister Can I come in?," Says Azania, who was already leaning by the door frame with a trace of disappointment on her face.

"You're already in,so why border ask?," I said, neatly folding Aaliyah's clothes and placing them in her mini wardrobe.

"Did you really have to do that?,"She threw her self on the bed, sitting ontop of Aaliyah 's already folded clothes just to annoy me.

"I'm really not in the mood Azania!,"I pulled her off the bed then began to fold the clothes again.

"So you're really going to go ahead with this?For God's sake this is not the 90's sister,who agrees to an arranged marriage? What happened to meeting the one you love and marrying him...HAPPY EVER AFTER REMEMBER?!".

"Love marriage still exists Azania but not for all of us. Once you're all grown up you're going to understand that whatever I was doing, was all for Aaliyah so that she could have a good future and someone to call dad,"I gently smiled to hide the pain reflecting in my eyes.

"Dad you say,"She rolled her eyes.

"You know Amanda, you can just be honest with me. You don't want to marry him right? Do you perhabs want my help in escaping this so called marriage?,"She pulls my face closer and looks into my eyes with her big brown eyes as if she wants hypnotize me.

"That won't work on me Azania. I know you mean well and you're worried about my well being but whatever dad said is true. I need to think of Aaliyah's future and mine. I can't stick on one place and hope for his return. He's never coming back and finally dad made me realise this!",I said.

"Damn! I can't believe that I'm now forced to call that grumpy, old and wrinkly man whose at our father's age brother in law....Yak!,"She threw herself on the bed and faced the ceiling.

"Mh-mh-mh! Azania where are your manner my girl?,"Mom enters our room with a huge brown suitcase that was covered with dust as if it was dug up somewhere in our yard.

She placed the suit case on the floor then looked at me in the eyes.

"I understand you Amanda dear,you have not yet given your heart for this wedding but trust me you will thank us later. Yes, he may look old but his still young at heart. He is the only son of the Adjei's family, he does not only have a huge house in the village but also owns 50 cows with 3 lands where he plans to build schools,"Mom said, with a wide smile on her face.

Then she gave me a gentle nudge then winked at me.

"And guess what Amanda, he may look weak in our eyes but he's manhood is as strong as an Ox,"She said, with a giggle.

"Ew mama!,"I looked at her in disbelief.

"But matter of fact,he can't reproduce right?I wonder why his family choose our family of all the family's in this village and mom why did you have to agree to this? Isn't he twice Amanda's age? Why are you so determined on getting her married to him,"Azania asked curiously.

I turned to look at mom and saw how her smiled slowly faded off her face after what Azania said. 

"Mom, show me what's in that suitcase!,"I paste a bright smile on my face to atleast brighten up her mood.

"Oh! In here, this is my wedding dress and will soon be yours,"She opened the suits case then took out her traditional wedding dress.

It was made out of a dried leopard skin and as for jewelry it was a Zulu tradition hat traded from South Africa with a necklace that had a lion's teeth hanging on it. It looked similar to the one African queens wear on their Coronation day.

"How it is Amanda,"She asked.

"It's beautiful mama,"I shed a tear, no I didn't cry because this was going to look good on me or whatsoever. I cried because I wanted Ji hoon to be the first person to see me wearing this dress.

"Mom, can I be alone, I want to think about this with a clear mind,"I asked her.

"Okay, take your time my precious daughter. I'll prepare food for Aaliyah and Azania go and make fire to cook supper,"She said.

"Okay mama,"Azania responds, pulling her lazy ass of my bed and heading outside to make fire. Then mom slowly made her way out of my room after planting a kiss on my forehead.

I then lied down on my bed then closed my eyes, searching for anything. Anything that will make me hate this man and push me to finally marrying Mr Adjei's son whole heartedly.

"Ji Hoon,"I murmured his name in my sleep.

And his face appeared in my thoughts, his memories with me were still clear and detailed.

He was placing his head on my lap, looking deep into my eyes as I ran my finger tips through his hair. His face was sharp structured. He had big brown eyes which I always felt insecure of. His hair was so shiny and silky compared to mine, which I always compared it to dry grass in winter. And just to wipe away my negative thoughts he would always plant 6 kisses on my face which he said each one of them had a deep meaning, that only his heart and mind knew.

I opened my eyes then stretched my hand to take my diary.

So I let the ink,page, my mind and heart do the work.

Whenever I write a diary I always write it in a form of a letter. Just like how mom taught me to write when I'm angry at someone but I can't vent my anger to them face to face. Just pretend that the diary is that person.

I took a deep breath then began.

Dear Ji Hoon

I don't know if you remember it but tomorrow will mark the day we first met. I have sent you  20 emails and  16 letters and you choose to not respond to any one of them. I guess, I am the only one obsessed with mending this relationship and you were never in it in the first place. Just so you know, we have a daughter named Aaliyah and she looks exactly like you. I have figured it out that her favorite cereal flavor is Banana and that made me think of your obsession with Banna Milk.

Tears streamed down my cheekes.

Anyways I wanted to let you know that I'm getting married soon. Yes, I haven't given my whole heart to this marriage but a mother must do what she can to protect her baby from this cruel society that is still entrapped by myth. She will finallt have someone to call dad and no one will dare ask her why he doesn't have one. Well, for now I have to come up with the reason why she doesn't look like anyone of us. I have to explain why she's not so African . Why her hair is so soft, long and curly compared to mine. Why her eyes are so Asian and why doesn't she look like Mr Adjei's Son John.

I took out a deep breath trying to draw his face in my mind for the last time. I tried to make my heart and mind despise him. But I failed, all I could think about was the kisses he left on my body that I can still feel even today. The touches he made even though we weren't married. And the memory of making love to him for the first time. He came in my village as one of the NGO volunteers at Qaye Orphanage. That is where we first met, I went there with my mom to cook for the children and he couldn't stop looking at me since then. Lord knows how he made me fall head over heels for him. We then began to get into a long distance relationship, a thousand miles away from each other didn't change a thing.

He would make an excuse just to visit me in the name of business trip and I would lie to my parents that I slept at my friends house knowing very well that I was camping in the woods the whole night by his side.

I chuckled then wondered to my self.

How did we end up here Ji Hoon? Why did you disappear into thin air and never even gave a damn about how I would feel?But it's enough, I won't cry for you anymore. I will take good care of Aaliyah so she doesn't ask about you even for a day!

I slammed the diary againt the wall in a fist of anger then covered my face with a pillow so all my tears end there.

The pressure I carried to be the girl fit for him was depressing and overwhelming. The thought of giving away my Virginity to such man still haunts me even today. I fought with my family and ignored the village's whispers so that I can be with you. So this is how first love feels like huh? In the beginning it seems pure and innocent then when time goes by, it rips you apart and leaves you weak.

But I guess your sudden disappearance made me strong and I thank you for introducing this side of me!