Funny Valentine

kabanata i

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"Shit!" I did not know how much profanity I mumbled while cutting my hair. The frizzy ends pisses me off. My short hair was so hard to maintain because of trying hard to avoid the awkward stage of having mid length hair. Simula noong naghalungkat ako sa high school memories ko, hindi ko mapigilang murahin ang dating ako. Dagdag mo pa iyong side bangs ko na sa retrica camera lang maganda.

The urge that prompted me to cut my hair was to feel something new. Ewan ko pero gawain ko nang may baguhin ako sa sarili ko kapag nawawalan na ako ng pake sa mundo. Kapag kasi ginagawa ko ito palagay ko ay umiikot ulit ang mundo. Which results in ending those days where I feel like a dead man breathing. Also, besides, I am a college freshman so maybe to make me feel that things in my life are changing, I have to change something.

I ended up chopping my hair right below my ears. Surprisingly, it looks fine when I look at myself in the mirror. Divorced tita vibes ang atake ko ngayong semester. I spritz some hairspray on my bangs to maintain the wisp bangs. I tucked my hair on my left ear to finish the look. Habang tinitignan ang sarili sa salamin inabot ko ang Strawberry Pound Cake perfume ko at binuhos ito sa buong katawan ko. Nang matapos ako napagdesisyunan ko nang ayusin ang mga dadalhin ko sa unang araw ko bilang kolehiyala. Kolehiyala, nakakakilabot pakinggan kasi ibig sabihin noon malapit na akong tumanda at harapin ang mga bagay na sa tingin ko'y hindi pa ako handang tahakin.

I disregarded the thought of growing up and decided to finish zipping my bag instead. My phone rang while I was running down the stairs. Tumawag pa talaga nanay ko kung kailan nagmamadali ako. At gusto pa nga niyang makipag- video call.

"Apolonia, na-receive mo na gcash mo?" Sigaw ni mama sa phone na akala mo'y may utang ako sa paluwagan niya.

"Oo ma, kaka cash out ko lang kahapon. Thank you ma, labyu po." Hingal kong saad habang hinahabol ang oras.

"Sino humahabol sa 'yo anak?"

"Si kamatayan." Biniro ko pa siya bago ko ibaba ang telepono ko.

"Aba ang gaga-"

Binaba ko na bago pa niya ako sermonan nang may kasamang ilongga accent. Alam kong tatawag uli siya at bibigyan ako ng leksyon tungkol sa buhay, kaya nag- DND na agad ako ng phone ko.

After packing my lunch, I glanced at my wall clock and contemplated how much time I had left to arrive at my campus on time. Realizing I had little time left, I hurriedly grabbed my bag, panicking about whether I would catch the bus and avoid traffic. Punuan pa naman ang terminal dito, punyeta talaga. Buhay komyuter nga naman.

Nang sumisilip at nagmumukhang member ako ng akyat bahay over the bakod gang habang nagsasalisi ay nakita ako ni kuyang kondoktor at sinitsitan akong mayroon pa bakante. Dali-dali akong pumasok dahil baka maunahan ako ng highschool student na nasa likod ko. Sa isipan ko na-guilty ako dahil kanina pa siya natingin sa kaniyang relo at 'di mapakali, pero sinabi nalang ng mga boses sa utak ko na ang buhay ay 'di karera, mahuli taya. Napangiti ako sa iniisip ko pero naudlot ang ngisi ko nang may tumayo sa harapan ko.

Nahigitan ako ng hininga nang makita kung sino iyon. The height was familiar- and the perfume too. Kaya hindi na ako nagdalawang isip kung sino itong nasa harapan ko kahit nakatalikod. Pucha. Pucha. Pucha. Hinihiling ko nalang na hindi tumingin sa gawi ko itong kupal na ito. The universe does not give a fuck to me this monday cause the person that I've always wished not to see to anymore slowly turns his gaze towards me. He brushed his soft hair with his fingers and scratch his foreign nose while rummaging through his backpack. Naluku na. Dali-dali ko kinuha ang phone ko at nagtipatipa na akala mo'y nag-tetext pero nasa calculator app lang pala, nag plus minus ang gaga nang wala sa oras. Alam kong nakita niya ako at alam ko rin na wala siyang balak pansinin ako dahil sa relasyon namin noon siya ang may gustong makipag-hiwalay.

My mood became gloomy as soon as I remembered what happened to us back then. I tried to disregard that thought and distract myself. Baka kapag lalo kong isipin bumigay ako sa intrusive thoughts ko at masipa ko siya nang wala sa oras.

The bus arrived on time, I was glad that I still have time to find my room. Pero bago ako bumaba ay sumulyap ako sa bus. Ayaw na talaga niya akong pansinin. Nakakagulat na nandito parin siya dahil ang pagkakaalam ko'y sa Manila siya mag-aaral. I remember back then he said he would pursue MedTech while playing as a varsity athlete at the university he chose. I couldn't help but wonder because he literally passed the scholarship exam for the university he always admired and yearned to attend. It's weird to see that Elias is changing his decision because I've always known him to be firm in his choices. It's a trait I always hated about him, actually-being so stubborn. Matigas ang ulo. But it's also one of his traits that made me fall in love with him ever since we were in elementary school, those days when he'd be there to guide my indecisive ass. I tried to shrug off the idea of reminiscing about our past. I hate him to the moon and back.

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