You're not good for me // B.E

Six

Liked by zoedonahoe and 120 482 others
Lexile you and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it, like they do it on discovery channel

FINNEAS that's gay.
^Lexile stfu or i'll steal Claudia and show u what's gay

zoedonahoe wow.

billieeilish answer my messages.

odessaazion gnawling at the iron bars of my enclosure

Sheilasour smash.

Person1 do you need a dog? I can bark.

Person2 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

Person3 not this bitch ignoring Billie
View all 5920 comments

I roll over in my bed, it's dark as shit here. I've gone back to bed rotting a week ago, after Sheilas birthday party.

After i realised that i like Billie i bolted out of there like lightning. I can't feel that way about her. She doesn't like me. And i don't wanna ruin our friendship with those feelings. Even though i am doing exactly that now.

I haven't responded to her calls nor texts for a week. I haven't been responding to anyone but Sheila. She thinks it's just one of those weeks where i have to be with no people or whatever.

I mean that's kind of right, but the reason is that i am just sulking in my own little lesbian tears because i can't get a girl i actually want.

After my last relationship i swore off of them for good. And it was going great until i met Billie. And now those feelings are back and i don't know how to cope with them. I haven't liked genuinely anyone in a while. It was easy.

And now i have to deal with those feelings once again and it sucks ass. It's just a matter of time until Sheila barges in here and drags me out of bed. I know that she's giving me space for now.

On top of that, today is my moms death anniversary so it might be the reason why Sheila is giving me space and time to be with myself.

The room stinks, there's dirty dishes and clothes everywhere on the room. The blinds are shut. I haven't seen genuine light in a week. I feel like a mole living under the ground.

I turn back to the laptop that's perched up on my bed, another episode of criminal minds playing. I am feeling a little hungry but i'm not gonna do anything about it.

Few hours later i hear the door opening and i mentally prepare for being dragged out of bed. But something feels off. She doesn't barge right it. Moments later i hear the door creaking and i see a silhouette of a girl. That's not Sheila.

I see the person hesitating for a second. And then they step into the room, softly walking further in and getting next to my bed. The person just gets in bed with me and i immediately get hit with Billies vanilla and coconut scent.

I am so fucking confused. Am i dreaming? What is happening? Why is she here. How. What?

She laid down and hugged me. She hugged me even though i was the biggest asshole to her for the last week.
And that's all it took for me to start bawling my eyes out again. As if i haven't done that for the whole week.

"It's okay Lexi, i am here" i heard Billie whispering as she rubbed my back softly, letting me cry my soul out in front of her.

And that's how we stayed for a solid 30 minutes. Me just sobbing into her shoulder, gripping on her shirt as if my life depended on it. And she stayed. She was silent. Reassuring me every once in a while. Why is she so sweet to me?

I have calmed down now, just sniffling here and there, my head on Billies chest, while her fingers are running around my head.

"Why are you here?" I ask quietly, ashamed of my vulnerability.

"Sheila told me what today is to you. I figured you'd need someone. Is that why you've been ghosting everyone for a week?" She says softly, her heart beat is calm.

"Oh" i say, not answering the question and putting my head back on Billies chest. And her fingers went right to work, massaging my scalp once again.

See, if i was not a mess and i would know how to cope with my feelings everything would be easier. I could have an amazing friendship with Billie. But nooo, my lesbian ass had to catch feelings.

But how could i not? Anyone could fall in love with her. Her beauty is one of a kind. And the fact that she's actually a sweetheart and down to earth not like most of the celebrities makes her even more likeable.

I know i am in deep. But i won't let her know about my feelings. Even if it's the last thing i do. She can't know. I'll die rather than tell her and fuck it all up.

If me staying quiet and admiring her from afar is what lets me have Billie in my life then so be it. I'll sulk in my feelings and feel like a lovesick puppy but i'll do it in my head. I'll stay delusional.