Connecting hollows (Tobirama x Madara)

10. Heartshot? (Madara)

"Hi."

I looked up from the pan in which I was cooking oatmeal and smiled when I saw Izuna.

"Hi", I said to him. "Letting ourselves into other's homes now, are we?"

"Oh, it's not like you have had a very secret, inappropriate guest here that would make it a risk for me to come here", he said in a way that meant he definitely knew I had had a very secret, inappropriate guest here that would make it a risk for him to come here.

But I couldn't be mad at him. He was just so cute, sitting down at my table, leaning his elbows on it, his chin in his hands, looking at me adoringly.

I smiled and took out two bowls; I always made extra breakfast in case Izuna would make me company. If he didn't, I just kept it for lunch. I poured porridge in them and added blueberries, banana and honey on top.

"Oat milk or almond milk?" I asked.

"Almond, please."

"Cinnamon?" I asked as I poured almond for both.

"Please", he said.

I places the bowls on the table. Izuna looked adorable in his priest robe, his long, black hair in a ponytail. I was in sweat pants and a grey t-shirt, having just had a run escorted by the police who had come that morning to take over from Tobirama.

Tobirama... My memories from our evening together made me shiver. And the night... The police officer was now standing guard outside, but Tobirama had done no such thing. We had shared bed.

"Tell me", Izuna said.

I sighed. I knew he wasn't asking about details. I knew he wanted to know how I was feeling, which was exactly what I needed in that moment.

"I was so, so worried what people would think of me once I started. But haven't I shown everyone I'm just as bad? We're not allowed romance. We're not allowed relationships. I have also broken a rule. A fundamental one."

I felt tears form in my eyes, and for the first time I felt not only sadness because of all that had happened but also anger. Anger at the deacon who had been a fucking child groomer. Anger at myself for being so obsessed with the bad name the deacon had given the church instead of what was truly important, which was how the victims were feeling. Anger at the mob people who were destroying my life for something I was not. And anger at myself, for being so utterly unable to distinguish what was good from what was bad.

"I'm showing I'm not a good deacon. Or even a good Catholic."

I hid my face in my hands. I overheard Izuna start to eat some of his porridge, giving me some time. Then, he spoke.

"Madara, look at me."

I did. I couldn't help but think that last time someone had demanded I look at them, it had been Tobirama, but then, I had been met by Tobirama's flesh-eating gaze. Now, there was only Izuna's kindness.

"Have I ever told you how I feel about the love part of Catholicism? Because I have never had any plan on obeying it." I frowned, looking at him in surprise. He pointed with his spoon to my porridge bowl. "Eat. It'll get cold." I did. The tartness of the berries was lovely against the saltiness of the oatmeal and sweetness of the honey. "Why would I love God less because I also love a person? Why would I be less dedicated to God because I'm also dedicated to a person?" He reached his hand out and took mine. "Love is a beautiful thing, brother. I'm happy for you."

I looked out the window, braiding my fingers with Izuna's. Love... Was it love what me and Tobirama had? If it wasn't, could it become it?

I thought about the night we had had together. Our fucking had been hot, but the night... He had really, really taken care of me afterwards, making me feel safe, making me feel whole. He had made decaf coffee and scrambled eggs on toast for dinner, then taken me to shower with him, our bodies sticking together, slick with water as we made out, eating each other's hearts out.

And the night itself... He had held me close, let me sleep against his chest. It felt as if though a meteor could crash on my cottage then, yet I would still have been safe, the protective force from him being so intense; so insane. I had never wanted the night to end. Even so, Tobirama had made the morning magical, covering my face with kisses as we stayed in bed. We had both panicked when we realised it was only fifteen minutes before the police officer who would take over guarding duty would arrive, so he hadn't had time to stay for breakfast, parting with the promise we would see each other the same afternoon, when Tobirama would guard my next worship service. How could all of that had been wrong?

I felt my heart lighten as I did mine and Izuna's dishes, Izuna's soft presence still calming me.

"I wonder if they can stop guarding me soon, the polices", I said to him, smiling softly over my dishes as he hugged me from behind.

"Have things calmed down so much?" Izuna asked.

"Seems like it", I said.

I had no idea then just how awfully wrong I was.

It happened so fast.

I had, unbeknown to me, been followed by undercover photographers. And these photographers had captured me and Tobirama walking to the cottage hand-in-hand, kissing through a window, and then Tobirama leaving in the morning.

But we hadn't noticed anything, so I initiated the worship service as planned. Tobirama was standing in the back, arms crossed over a lovely antique white cardigan and pitch-black jeans, smirking at me, no doubt thinking about yesterday, making me blush as I stood by the altar. The pictures were published online at that very moment, and that was all it took to trigger the wrong person.

I started the mass. Tobirama did what he had done yesterday and just listened, eyes to mine. Then, suddenly, I saw him frown and pick up his phone.

I didn't stop mass, but there was something in his face that made me lose my breath.

Something is wrong.

Tobirama looked up at me, and I saw him reach his hand out towards me as if everything was slowed down, and he started running to the altar.

I could see his mouth form my name, only a whisper, but didn't hear it until a few seconds and a lifetime after, and then, it was muffled, as if we were under water.

Another movement caught my attention. I looked to the side. There stood a figure, pointing something at me.

Unsecure your gun and put it to my heart, Tobirama.

The sound of the gun must have been deafening, but I hardly heard it. I just saw Tobirama stop dead, staring at me. Something hurt so much, I thought I would vomit then and there. It wasn't a particular point of pain, just my entire body, but not in a good way, like when Tobirama used the rope on me which made me be in the here and now, but in a way that made me long for whatever was in the past or whatever lay ahead, anything that wasn't this.

Then, Tobirama's mouth opened, and he screamed my name so loud, it burst through my barriers, made me feel as if someone was scratching my eardrums with their nails.

He ran to the figure who held the gun, lifted his own, and shot that person, one time, two times, three times, over and over and over. He didn't stop, not until a group of police officers stormed into the cathedral and four of them grabbed hold of him to pull him back.

Tobirama was wild. He screamed and clawed, trying to break free so he could keep killing the already dead man, spit flying through his mouth as he mouthed incomprehensible nonsense.

I... I didn't know what I was. I was just there, with a police team around me.

"Father... Father, you need to lay down, you've been shot."

I... I think fainted.