Ex with Benefits (Sequel to Roommates with Benefits) [NEW VERSION]

5. The voice of truth

LUKAS

"You're an idiot." Corinne huffed in my ear, and I could feel her frustration even through the phone, with her miles and miles away. "Actually, you're the king of idiots, the most idiotic man to ever cross this Earth. And, believe me, I've met plenty of morons in my life."

"Cor ..." I sighed, dropping my head against my headrest. The leather was cool against the back of my head, contrasting with the oppressive heat of my shame and regret.

I'd spent the past twenty minutes in the clinic's underground garage, in my car, unable to find the courage to either go home and face the conversation with my wife or find another place to sleep for the night.

The dim yellow light of the garage seemed made to make me feel utterly alone emotionally more than just physically.

But the truth was, I'd been lonely for more than a while now. Somewhere along our path, our wife had ceased being my companion.

Maybe the word divorce had been uttered only today, but it'd been in the air for months, if not years, and before then, she'd been growing distant. Even before the whole cheating business, we'd grown apart. I just didn't understand how it could have happened to us.

Tara didn't even tell me the kids would spend the night at Sean's. I only got to know because Gloria texted me, asking if I'd drop by. It wasn't the first time they stayed at his place, he was pretty much family—no matter how much it irritated me. But it was the first time Tara didn't tell me. It felt like she was readying herself to say goodbye for real.

"No," my best friend scoffed, her tone icy as she ignored my pleas, "no, there's no Cor. I love you, babe, but you didn't just fuck up once. Hooking up with that hoe was just one step. You've been fucking up for years now, and you know that."

"I've been trying to fix it." I reminded her, but my statement felt weak even to my ears.

Corinne scoffed again. "Please. If you'd actually tried, you'd have succeeded. You're sabotaging yourself."

"So you're taking her side, too." My words felt bitter, like ash in my mouth. Over the years, I'd lost a lot of friends, I thought—or maybe hoped—that Cor would not add to the number. Guess I was wrong on this, too. Same as I was wrong when I believed my love was reciprocated.

The truth was, our marriage, our entire relationship had always been unbalanced. I loved Tara more than she ever loved me. I'd known that since the start, and I'd thought it'd work out regardless. But I guess I was always too much of an idealist.

Corinne groaned, muttering some curses under her breath. Ever since I cheated, something broke between us, too. Rationally, I knew it was a raw nerve for her—her dad had cheated, her boyfriend had cheated, her husband had cheated—so when she tore me a new one for it, I didn't bat an eye. But as months went by, it just felt like she was taking Tara's side over and over again on everything.

"I'm not taking anyone's sides," Corinne corrected me, her voice sharp as ever, "I'm telling you you're an idiot."

"I know I am, but ..." I didn't even want to finish the sentence. The weight of my mistakes pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe. And when a treacherous thought about my dad sneaked past my defenses, I sighed, closing my eyes—the darkness behind them felt like a small relief.

He was right all along, wasn't he? He always said I didn't deserve Tara. I thought it was just him being the usual hard ass, but maybe he saw something I didn't. The truth was, I dived deep into something much bigger than I. First relationships don't usually end in marriage for a reason.

"But nothing," Corinne cut me off immediately, even though the course of my thoughts had led me to believe it'd been hours. "You need to decide what it is you want and then actually work towards it. If you want Tara and the kids, then you must do something drastic to prove it to her, not just sit in your car feeling sorry for yourself."