loml- Ishman

dil ki khwaishe

There was something about the way he smiled that always made Shubman's heart swoon. His doe eyes and that intense stare that stripped Shubman naked from it would make him do almost anything. He loved Ishan, always has, and nothing in the world could change it.

The moon from his hotel room's balcony somehow reminded him of Ishan. They were miles apart, but their hearts were always intertwined, but lately Shubman could feel that something bothered Ishan, and no matter how many times he asked him what was wrong, Ishan never budged. Ishan only ever rarely told Shubman his bigger problems; it was his nature. On the one hand, he would complain about how the neighbor in their shared apartment in Mumbai didn't hold the lift for him, and on the other hand, whenever something made him lose his sleep, he would put on his charismatic smile that made Shubman fall for him, and then say in his deep voice, "Arey yaar shubi tu chitna mat krna aise bhi teri yeh pyri dimples dekhke mera din thik hojata hai."

But Shubman was no fool; he noticed the longing stare in Ishan's eyes, the temptation to say something more, something that would forever rephrase their friendship.

They both knew that they loved each other more than one does their best friend, but maybe they were scared of the world, of the expectations, of their feelings, or maybe somewhere deep down they knew that the possibility of the world accepting them was next to impossible.

It was past midnight here in New York; Ishan must be up and ready for practice back in Mumbai; he knew what a toll Ishan's mental health had taken from being dropped again and again to the politics running his career, which was only at a start. The trolls online left nothing unturned, even going to an extent where they had started comparing them both and their cricketing journey, but Ishan was always too good to be jealous of his best friend, and Shubman knew that. Ishan had been the one to both console him when he was named a traveling reserve for the World Cup squad and congratulate him when he was named the captain for the upcoming series with Zimbawabe.

Though they lived together during the time off, it had almost been more than two months since they had been with each other physically. The distance was getting to Shubman. The video calls only do so much justice. He really wanted to hug his ishan tightly, hold his best friend, and cuddle in the bed while watching a horror movie, though all his attention would be on ishan. He missed the way Ishan played loud Bhojpuri music the day before a match.

Not being able to resist the temptation, Shubman dialed his number with a longing to hear his ishan's voice. He knew Ishan was the one who understood him without so much as muttering a word. Though Shubman had approached the current scenario to the best of his abilities and put a shut on the trolls, what he really wanted in this moment was to talk to the person that mattered the most. Shubman may have his close friends with him there in the States, none compared to Ishan.

Ishan didn't pick up his call. This was very unusual because there had only been so many incidents that he could count them on his finger tips. When Ishan didn't receive his phone call, Shubman tried twice again, but unfortunately it seemed that something had kept Ishan busy.

Shubman opened his gallery, particularly the album where he had kept his and Ishan's photographs and videos. His favorite was a video where they had been in their test match jersey and were walking together to bat. Shubman looked at Ishan with the most loving gaze one could look at their lover. He looked at Ishan like he was the sun and Shubman a planet. It honestly blew his mind how anybody didn't catch up to the fact that they were in love.

Though they have spoken those three words time and time again, to the outside world it may have seemed to have a platonic touch, but their hearts lingered with desperation to finally say it like a lover says to his lover.

Shubman tried to call Ishan five more times during the night. He was starting to get worried. Since Shubman had an important interview tomorrow, he decided to sleep, but sleep also didn't come easy to him. He twisted and turned on his bed for more times, then he could remember. Other than holding Ishan to fall asleep, a cute little penguin helped Shubman to sleep, which Ishan had gifted him after coming across the fact that Shubman had trouble sleeping without him. After all, they had been sharing a bed ever since they were 16. Some say that 16 is too young to be in love; to know what it really feels like, but Shubman knew the moment he saw Ishan, he knew that there was something special between them, something that he would never let be tarnished.

Shubman woke up late the next day. He rushed to get ready. He wore one of the shirts that Ishan had let him borrow—well, in this case stolen—but they looked better on him anyway, and even Ishan wouldn't disagree.

Finally, he was done with his day; his heart ached for his Ishan, but he decided not to call him since Ishan must be asleep.

It was somewhere around 10 o'clock when Shubman's phone rang. 

Shubman rushed to pick it up thinking that it was Ishan. His heart raced with anticipation. But to his dissapointment and suprise, it was a Raj Bhaiya.

He picked up the call, "hello bhaiya? kaise hai aap?"

Raj Bhaiya's voice was distressed, "Shub mai toh thek hu par..Ishan, he can't be found anywhere, sab pareshan hai."

India won!!!!! and i took this as motivation to finally start a ishman fanfic hahaha. this chapter is a lil short but i think it really depends on what scene we're on the story!