Social Anxiety is My Twin

CHAPTER 1

The new school year was about to start. Yes, Xavier would be 14 now, in high school. So, his mother had forced him to tidy his desk for the new start.

Xavier had tidied all the books and folders, there was only one drawer left.

He opened it, and inside was two crumpled rough papers, some random color pencils, and a crumpled worksheet he apparently lost which got him told off by the teacher. At that time he was in, around 1st grade in middle school. Still before he transferred. He wondered why he still remembered. Maybe because he cared for others' opinions so much. A trait he held and despised. He let go of that thought and turned back to the drawer. There was one more thing in it. A box.

He took it out and opened it.

In it were some pencils, random papers and notebook and a handmade newspaper. It wrote: 1E Daily News. Written in big words at the very top. Under it wrote: Breaking news! Followed by a report on Technoblade's death. Then there were squished lines about the upcoming Exams. Followed by even more articles. Xavier looked at them and sighed. It brought back memories Xavier yearned to forget. But it all rushed in and Xavier could only sit there and watch.

It was mid-term in Avon Road Harvey Winslow School. The orientation for transfer students was held on a Thursday, and Xavier got a tour of his new school. He had just arrived and it was 2nd grade, term 2 already. He had joined their "big family". He didn't appreciate the name much, since he did not feel like he was part of an any "big family". But the principal insisted. Plus, the fact he was joining in mid-term meant friend circles were hard to join already, leaving him nervous and irritated in thoughts.

Soon it was time for school and he stepped into the new classroom for the first time and was welcomed by a huge round of questions. It lasted for a while, anyway.

People were excited to know him, and he was glad too. They wanted to know his name, what he liked, where he came from and everything. Perhaps he could make some new friends quick. It got him a bit less nervous, but the fact that his current school at that time had an elementary school. So many students joined the school directly from the elementary one. So they knew each other already, and you must know, it is hard to join an already befriended group and be in the "main" circle. Which I mean by "main" is that, their "best" friend. Maybe not even best friend, you probably couldn't even reach "second" best friend.

Months flew by, and before Xavier knew it he was 3 months in this new school. He had made some friend, yes, though none of them had him at their "top of the list". He wished he could tell himself: It's fine. Friendships take time! Be patient.

But Xavier was not like that. He was impatient. You see, some people are like cats, never liking others' accompany. Never needing any. They will live on fine and free, never to feel bored or lonely. They tend to be introverts, as phycology defines it. Others, are like wolves. They live in a pack, fighting along side each other, never leaving one's side. And if one of them is a gone, that one is a lone wolf. They are a pack, you must know. So, they are defined as extroverts. But no matter how phycology defines them, I believe everyone is an ambivert, in between. No one is particularly one of them, everyone has both sides. But back to the main point, Xavier, was now, a lone wolf. One wolf, without its pack. And he felt empty and hollow inside him.

He wanted friends, and he had some. Sometimes they'd ask him to hop on and play video games. No, sorry, not they, but him.

The only friend Xavier made, was Elvin. Elvin wasn't afraid of any teachers. Perhaps he was. But he broke every rule in the school that he could break. And that was...allow me to count...24 rules in the whole school. (You should know that I am not counting the school regulations, which he broke too.)

Which meant he would receive: all 4 Major demerits, all 9 minor demerits, all 11 black-marks and at least 34 scoldings from the discipline teachers from his first year until then, which is 3. Around 11 scoldings per year for an average is quite a lot, if you compare with the other students and use common sense. Who in the whole mighty Universe gets 11 scoldings from the discipline teachers each year? Elvin, of course. (Again, I did not count the scoldings from any other teachers, which would add up even more.) And, dear reader, I expect you could not break his record.

And he would say to Xavier, "Rules are meant to be broken, my friend!"

In fact, the most feared discipline teacher in the whole school, Ms.Samantha, was friendly with him. And Elvin never feared her. They chatted, ever once in a while, and Ms.Samantha never scolded him more than...let me check...5 times. He would have gotten more scoldings, but that never happened. They knew it was no use. Once the teachers sent him to her, she would calmly ask what he had done and why, and let him be off by writing an apology letter. Which he had probably done more than 100 times. Then, there was nothing more to be done.

And what, might you ask, had this Elvin done? Punching a kid in the face and knocking their tooth out: twice. Forging parents' signature: four times. Bullying: everyday. Using inappropriate language: everyday. Running in the staircase and knocking people off their feet: always. There is more, naturally, but to list them all out, it'd be the length of this book. So I will stop.

(But if you'd like to know what happened to Elvin in the end, I must tell you that even these kind of people get mature, and in his 5th grade in this school, he had turned into the rank of a friend with many teachers.)

But then, how come he made friends with Xavier? He was so naughty indeed! People who do these things aren't anti-social or anything. Plus, Elvin has made quite a lot of friends. And people who need friends so desperately, like Xavier, tend to make friends with these people since they get friendly with you so quick. I believe you know that too, from your own experiences and observations.

Xavier didn't mind having a friend like him. He was a friend, and that was what Xavier needed.

But Elvin was a bad influence. Of course he was. Now, Xavier would miss his homework at least 5 times a month, getting him a warning if he continued, and was passing notes during class, never to pay attention. Which led to a downfall in his studies.

He was 5 points away from failing in his Math exam. Such a shame. He had always got 98s before.

And every time in a gourd project he was left out. Elvin went with his favorite people, and every time Xavier was left with a girl, Beatrice. Whom he never liked since she kept on talking and never did any work. Did Xavier feel betrayed? Perhaps. Did he get angry at Elvin? No. But he knew he wouldn't be any sort of "best friend" with him.

His standards for "best friends"? You might ask.

Indeed, he had a best friend before. Many best friends, before. Like Aidan, Brycen, Elliot, Rex and Han. But no one shared their snacks with him like them, no one talked to him much like them, no one cares much about him like them and no one argued like friends would do with him. He missed everything. Why did he consent to move? His parents had asked for his opinions. Why hand't he said: no, no! I'll lose them all. But no, he had not said that.

And that, was his first school year. Not one true friend and his studies failing.

This was his second year, and he was determined to make a change.