I wish it didn't happen

''What now?''

The next morning I woke up late, but I was feeling a lot better. I showered, put on comfortable clean clothes and washed my face. I had to make the best out of my life somehow.

Once I had drunk every morning iced coffee, I decided on looking at my ruined artwork in clear daylight. I hoped it wouldn't be as bad as I thought it was and that it would be fixable. I slowly walked over to the room where my painting was left behind.

I slowly opened the door and took a deep breath before looking at my painting.

Sadly, it was as bad as I thought it was last night. I felt heavily disappointed. I realized that this was going to be a long day.

After a few minutes of contemplating, I decided to call off the art exposition. It was too much of a hassle to make a new peace in such a short time, and honestly I didn't feel like painting after messing up so badly.

"What now?" I wondered. I knew it wouldn't help to sulk about that stupid artwork. I had to find a way to get through the day and be a bit productive. So I decided on cleaning my apartment. That had to happen anyway.

I looked around my room, I realized it was pretty silent. I liked my apartment a lot, I found comfort in being in my room, but somehow it felt different. Rather... lonely. It was an odd feeling to me. I had this lonely feeling a few times before, but I never felt like this when I was in my room with cozy lights and blankets.

I just stood there.

Alone.

In my own apartment, with no one to talk to except the wall.

I felt the feeling wash over me. I hated this. I didn't want to feel lonely in the place I felt most safe. A small sad smile formed on my face. I wondered why the feeling came over me so suddenly.

Ever since I lost my parents, I have had these moments where I would stop and think. Feel everything and nothing at all. I guess that was one of those moments. I didn't really understand it but.. I figured that I wanted someone to take care of me, to love me. Back then, I felt deep down that I wasn't ever going to find love. Not if I kept acting like I did. I never let anyone get close to me at all.

I tried shrugging it off and started picking up random pieces of clothing from the floor.