my cigarette daydream

kiss me harder part 3

Pulling away from his warmth, I simply picked up the shirt he dropped, handed it to him, then walked away down the stairs and out that house, that wrecked house that smelt of weed and franks piss covered boots.
It was around 8 when kev and V got home, V was drunk, so kev put her to bed and came downstairs to where I was reading on the couch, 'Please don't say anything '
"Yknow, I think your hair looks good, I know you don't want to talk about it with her, but can you at least try with me?" I shut my book and set it down to face kev
"Sure, should I say sorry or what do you want to hear?" I say sparking attitude but holding back
"That's not it, kid. I wanna know why you fought in the first place. She won't tell me."
I sigh and push the heels of my hands into my eyes, knowing I'll cry
"I got caught smoking, weed. It was just weed." I adjust my shirt and play with a part of my hair to ground myself
"What. The. Fuck. Y/n, you can't be doing that. I'd care less if it was beer but weed?"
"OH? whatever, kev!" I said, snapping his name out of my mouth like it was an insult itself
"It's not like you have just never ever picked up dab or a FUCKING JOINT?" I said pointing at the ashtray on the coffee table that always had a roach in it or the butt of a cigarette.
"Now I know your mad but that's because I'm and adult." Tears started to stream down my face and I stood up "don't you walk away y/n, you know I just want to help."
"I can't do this right now kev. I'm sorry for cussing and yelling but I'm leaving"
I walked to the kitchen got my tote bag off the counter slid on my shoes
"You can run forever kid, I better see you home before it's too late in the night. You know how I feel about this" he always said that when I was upset but he knew I could go through the front door and go back home after running around or I could sneak out my window and be gone for days.
Kev always tried to be understanding since mom and dad died, but he still only lost a friend, not a parent he wouldn't know the feeling of knowing that I was the one who called the cops just one block down the road two years ago
'Only fifteen. I was only fifteen.'Now walking down a dark street just under the  train tracks, I put my headphones in and pressed play on my iPod, some twenty something year old I think lil peep started playing and I reached in my bag for a cigarette but didn't have a lighter
"Fuckkk" I groaned into the sky, wanting to peel my skin off. I was so mad at myself. I eventually just sat against one of the pillars and listened to my music for about and hour, but it was only like 11 so I thought I would see if fiona was awake if I could talk to her about the kids and everyone
I started to march my way to the Gallagher house when I saw Frank walking my way down the sidewalk
"Frank?" I say squinting trying to make out a face through messy gray hair and black eyes
"What? Your Jenny's kid?" I struggled to understand through slurred words, but I just laughed disappointed and walked past
I made it to the door, and I walked in confident as ever Debbie and lip were in the living room talking about rent
"Hey yall, where's fi?"
They look to me
"Not sure." Lip spits out
"Yeah, she left this morning saying she had shit to do, we don't know."
I sigh
"Ugh, that's fine. Where's Ian?"
They both pointed to the stairs
I nod and head up
"Ian?" He was a strong person to lean on, and I just wanted a hug
"Y/n!" Ian's head popped from hus doorway
We ran for each other he already knew
"Thank you, ian."
"Always, you're there for me,"
We finished our conversation, and Ian went downstairs, so I went to say sorry to Carl
Knocking on the door frame, peeping my head in
" Hey white boy," I said it so shallow it was kind of embarrassing
"Huh," his voice was scratchy from sleep
'Stay calm.' I walked in to see him laying on the bunk shirtless again
"Can I come up?" 
"Yeah, I don't mind, princess,"
He lifts the blanket to welcome eyes still closed
"Thanks," I say, almost shameful
Taking off my shoes, I crawl up next to him, and I can smell the titos on his breath
'Shit. Shit. Shit. Please stop'
"I'm sorry for my bullshit princess,"
He just says that to bug me or bend me his direction, I know it
"It's ok, I'm just as bullshit filled as you." When I finished my sentence, he  wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, making me go red and look at him
I lift an arm, and my hand travels its way to his cheek immediately, then into his hair, and then the back of his he know the difference between lust and love but this was love the way i wanted her for so much more than just that beautiful body ppad pulling him close, kissing him hard and he mumbles my name into my mouth
"Dammit," I say back as we pull away and suddenly, I'm on top of him with my hands on his chest, looking down

Carl's perspective :"Dammit"
She says in response to suddenly making her way ontop of me
I couldn't help but put my hands on her hips and stare up at her i didnt just want her body I wanted her voice to say I love you but maybe it was just the way she looked at me? No it was those beautiful eyes and wavy hair "Your so beautiful" the words just came out like when I call her princess suddenly she dived for my lips.