We're In This Together

7. Being Sluts and Whores

Charlie's POV

I fucked up.

I fucked up so fucking badly.

I don't know what to do. How in the hell did I become so selfish?

Why did I get scared? Why couldn't I have just gone through with it, why couldn't I have gone through what I've been fucking dreaming of for a month and a half, instead of running away like a little bitch because I'm scared?

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I just have her? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I rub my hands against my face, tears spilling down my cheeks. I grab the bottle of straight whiskey from my cabinet and don't even use my glass as I down it, letting the fire of it hurt my throat.

I can't fucking do this. I can't care for someone when I'm such a mess. I can't be the best person for her when who I show her is never real. She doesn't even know me. She would fucking hate me if she knew the actual person I fucking am.

No one can love this version of me. No one. Not even Sabrina. It's too hard for them. It's too draining. Everything I ever do or say that's real only causes the people around me more pain.

With Roxy, I was feeling real. With my mouth against hers and her moaning my name, I just wanted to give her anything in the world, anything she wanted. I knew what she wanted then; I could feel her wet core against me, even past the fabric. And I was gonna give everything she wanted to her, I was gonna give her the best sex of her life.

But I couldn't. I couldn't fucking do that. Because the more I continued, the more I felt for her. The longer I kissed against her skin and made her moan, the longer I felt that feeling of wanting to be the best possible for her, and not just in sex.

So I stopped, knowing I couldn't do that. Knowing that I would only fuck up her whole life.

I down the rest of my whiskey.

***

"Well, you look like shit," is the first thing Sabrina says when she sees me this morning. "Did you get any sleep?"

I offer her a huge fake smile as I scrape out the scrambled eggs onto three plates. "Nope, but I made breakfast!"

She eyes me with that look Roxy gave me last night, before I admitted I liked her like I was a preschool student. Remembering how concerned and confused she looked... I'd rather not. I tried to drown all the memories of last night out with alcohol but it didn't work. Sabrina asks, "What happened last night, after we went to bed?"

"Nothing, I just couldn't sleep," Is what I want to say. But then my mind contemplates telling her the truth or not. It's the least I could do for lying to her about almost everything else. Letting out a long sigh first, I speak low. "Roxy came over."

She furrows her brows at me, making a crease in between them, seeming confused on how that's a bad thing, which I don't blame her. "And...what happened?"

"I fucked up," I admit in a whisper, remembering all that happened last night.

She looks at me for a moment, knowing everything that has happened in my life, knowing everything I've been through except recently. She whispers back in a concerned and judgement-free tone, "What did you do, Charlie?"

"I—"

"Morning," Willow greets in a yawn, walking down the carpet stairs lazily, instantly heading to Sabrina's side—who gives me an apologetic look for being cut off. When Willow finally reads the room, she asks, "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"