LAE'S DRABBLE!
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— "AND I LOST MYSELF WHEN I LOST YOU...AND I STILL GET TRASHED, DARLING, WHEN I HEAR YOUR TUNES." -- LANA DEL REY
— FREE WRITE, PRACTICE WRITING
— CONTAINS: ANGST, IMPLIED SA THEMES
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It's been years since it happened.
When I begrudgingly awake from my slumber and let the sunlight fill the emptiness of my room, I stare straight into the hallway and right at the white doorframe of your room.
I wonder how much happier we could've been if you hadn't done what you did; it would've saved me so much regret and self-loathing. I wouldn't have grieved nearly as much and the pain of the memories wouldn't plague me even today.
My eyes then flicker towards the dresser that you pushed me against, screaming out all your anger at me as I sat and cried. I remember crawling on my palms away from you until my back hit the wood of my closet, and yet you still loomed tall over me.
Why'd you do it? I wish I asked. Was it something I did, or was it because you were just frustrated that day?
You told me you regretted everything you did that day and that's why you cared for me so much. You threaten what would happen if a boy ever dared to hurt me and lay his hands on me, yet who are you to judge?
The sunlight shines onto the back of my tussled head of hair and falls onto the carpeted floor of my room, the carpet where I laid and weeped over the girl I used to be.
I will laugh with you and partake in your jokes; your witty remarks won't go unheard by me and I'll always treat you like someone I care about. I'm supposed to hate you and loathe the air you breathe, but I cannot bring myself to do so.
I have worshipped the ground you've walked on and I wish not to ever betray you. How could I? You've done so much for me—the good and the bad—and I cannot bring myself to fully hate your existence.
I hear the birds jubilantly chirp outside and I contemplate making the day wait for me. If only that were an option.
I kick my feet off the bed and force myself to stand onto my feet, intending on heading to the bathroom but stopping to stare at your door.
I recall the day where I uncontrollably sobbed and my body erratically shook with each memory that racked over my body, while you tended to my tears with a cloth you had ontop of your desk.
My eye twitches and I ponder,
Why are you so hard to hate?
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a/n: practicing for a writing contest im contemplating on entering. my writing is a work in progress LMAO but im getting there hopefully. ilysm everyone <3
STAY SAFE!!!!!!! DRINK WATER, EAT FOOD, SLEEP WELL, AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!!! ILYSM <3333
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ALIBI! | oneshots
Random𝗚𝗢 𝗔𝗪𝗔𝗬, 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥'𝗦 𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗞! for whenever i need to fend off the writer's block, practice writing, wish to write a little more about a completed ff, or requests from people for oneshots. GGHOSTSPIDER MADE THIS COVER!!!
