Size Zero

Chapter One

  As I laid awake in my bed with thoughts running through my mind of how the fuck I'd get rid of this extra weight, I had an epiphany. I'd seen so many people lose weight by restricting foods from their diets, getting rid of food once they'd eaten it, working out tirelessly, eating clean, having constant weigh-ins and measuring themselves whenever they could that I decided to give it a shot.
  I need to be bikini ready, summer is approaching fast and I have to lose weight now, no time to sleep. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom to hop on the scale.

  "124, ugh why do I have to be so fat?" I say to myself, as I hear a knock on the bathroom door. "What?"

  "Brea, it's 3am, what are you still doing up? You have school tomorrow," hearing my mom's voice through the other side of the door, sounding  frustrated with the fact that I was still up.

  "I just had to pee mom, I'll go to bed in a minute," I say, trying to think of a quick excuse. That one usually worked on my mom since she too got up at all hours of the night to use the restroom.

  "Okay, well just remember to wash your hands sweetie," she says, walking slowly back to her room with a sigh.

  I silently cheer to myself and pretend to wash my hands, then I stare at myself in the mirror for a bit, looking at my body from every possible angle. You'll never be pretty Brea. Here comes the little voice in the back of my head, right on cue. You're ugly, fat and useless. Just hurry up and get skinny already. Ugh why does this have to be my life? You can't push me away, you know I'm right. That fucking voice drives me insane but I know I'm never going to get rid of it.
  I eventually shuffle back off to my room after my phone screen flashes on with the time 4:30am, fuck. I have to be up in two hours and I haven't even slept yet, another amazing thing I have to worry about. After about thirty minutes of tossing and turning, I finally fell asleep, with one hour until I had to be up for school.

-

  An hour goes by of me sleeping before my alarm goes off and I throw my phone at my dresser, not hard enough to break it, just hard enough so my alarm wasn't blaring in my ear.

  Soon enough my mom is pounding on my bedroom door, "Brea! Get up!" her pissed off voice exclaims from the other side of the door, "You're the one who decided to stay up all night, you will suffer the consequences!"

  I groan and get out of bed, picking my phone up off the floor and switching the alarm off. 6:30am my favorite time of day, just as the sun is starting to come up and the birds are getting annoyingly loud and cheerful. I pick out my outfit, which was a simple band tshirt, an oversized black hoodie, baggie cargo pants, black Converse and a few choice pieces of jewelry, then head to the bathroom to take my morning shower.
  Every week, Monday through Friday at roughly 6:30am, I get my ass out of bed, pick out my clothes and hop on the shower. It's a really nice ritual, it reminds me for about five seconds that something that I do has some meaning to it.

   I feel a tap on my shoulder as I head to the bathroom, "Brea, it's gonna be 110 out there today, you really wanna wear a hoodie and cargo pants in this weather?" she asks with an annoyed sigh as if I hadn't thoroughly thought out my outfit.

  I turn around to look at her as she takes the hoodie and cargo pants from my hand, "Mom, the classrooms are freezing, plus I'm a senior and I only have like three mandatory classes," I say as I take the clothes back out of her hand.

  There's nothing I love more than getting into arguments with my mom at 6:30 in the morning about what I'm wearing to school. She says I cover up too much. What mother wants their teenage daughter to wear less clothes? I'd understand if it was her telling me to wear something a little cooler like leggings and a tshirt, but she usually tells me to wear shorts when it's hot out. News flash, not all people like to wear shorts.

  My mother gives me the death glare and takes the hoodie and cargo pants back from me, "Wear shorts, or at least capris. The shirt you picked out is fine, but leave your body some room to breathe," she suggests, for once giving me the option to wear somewhat longer pants.

  I sigh and march back into my room and pull out my shortest skirt, that was realistically about a size or two too small, then head back over to her, "Is this short enough for you?" I ask, looking her directly in the eye.

  My mother sighs and hands me the cargo pants and hoodie back, admitting defeat, "You win this time, but I'm gonna be very mad if you end up in the hospital from heat exhaustion. You're my favorite daughter," she says, kissing me on the forehead.

  I roll my eyes and go into the bathroom, taking off my pajamas and hopping into the shower. As I stood under the water of the shower, I kept trying to come up with excuses to get out of breakfast today. I'll just tell her I have swim practice, after all it is approaching the most important half of swim season, and she does come to all of my swim meets.

  "Hold on Brea, you're not getting off that easy, you need breakfast," she says.

  I sigh, "Mom, I'm gonna be late for swim practice," were the words that left my mouth, followed by an annoyed groan.

  Perfect,she bought it.

  "Alright baby, at least make sure you eat lunch," she says.

  I nod and head out the door to begin my mile and a half walk to school. Immediately running into Stacy. Ugh, Stacy the prettiest most popular girl in school. She's exactly the reason I need to lose weight. She's the caption of the swim team, the cheer team, the girls basketball team, the track team and even the girls soccer team. She can do everything I can't, plus she's so beautiful and effortlessly thin.
 
  "Hey Brea, did you lose something?" she asks

  Shit, I completely didn't even realize I spaced out and was staring at her.

  I shake my head, "N-no I'm sorry... I," the words barely made it out of my mouth.

  Stacy laughs and walks away, "She's so pathetic," she says to her friends as she heads into the school.

  This is why you need to lose weight you pig. The voice came creeping back up into the back of my head, I try to push it away but it keeps persisting. You'll never get rid of me Brea, I'm here to stay. I come back to earth just in time to trip over Harry's gym bag laying on the floor and fall into the garbage can. Smooth move Brea.

  "Shut up!!" I yell, not realizing the words had left my mouth until after I had the entire quad staring at me. How smooth of you. Fuck my life.