A smile that hid so much.

Why try?

It was 12:38 a.m. Pitch black. I sat alone, curled up in a ball. Tears streaming down my face. I never felt so alone. All I could think about is what others would say to me today, tomorrow, or next week. I felt trapped. I just wanted it all to go away, but it wouldn't.
I just laid there. Crying. Crying about little things that bugged or killed me. Have you ever felt like that? I tried to sleep. I tried to stop crying. But I just couldn't. It was all pounding in my head. Back and fourth. Back and fourth it went. I couldn't take it....
I screamed.. WHY, WHY?! Why can't I be perfect like the others girls, why can't I be skinny, just ugh. The last thought that came in my head was, no one will like a girl with scars.. No one..
The blade laid on my night stand. Tears fell harder on my pillow. I sat up. I grabbed the the blade. I just couldn't take it anymore. The blade reached my wrist. I slid it acrossed. Blood sizzled down to my elbow. I did it again. Acrossed it went. More blood.
It fell apon my white sheets. I was to depressed to care. I didn't care what my mom was gonna say if she seen it, I didn't care that the blade kept sliding across my wrist. It felt good.
A few hours passed. I cried so much I could build a lake or an ocean. I sat there, starting off into space, wondering how it would feel if I was those girls. Those girls who had everything going for them. Those girls who had every guy drooling over them.
I closed my eyes, trying to make the pain go away. Everything stayed in my mind for the rest of the night. Closing my eyes didn't help. I didn't sleep.
It was 6:00 a.m. and mom came pounding on my door.
"Get up, it's time for school!" She yelled.
I just laid there. No sudden movements where made. The clock was tiking but it didn't seem to bother me. 5 mins past... 10 mins... and 15 mins past.. Mom comes back busting my door opened.
"I told to get up almost a half and hour ago! Your gonna be late." She snarled.
No answer. I just look at the window, acrossed from my bed.
"You better get up!" "If I have to come back in here, it won't be pretty." She barked.
Mom had no idea what was happening at school or I had scars.. A lot of people would say, why don't you talk to her, an all that, but I just couldn't.

I finally started to slide out of bed. Plump..
I fall right on to the floor, not even caring.