A pathological love story

The Brainrot: Chapter 1

Twas a beautiful day, one might say. The birds were singing a playful melody in choir and the summer breeze was so incredibly hot that it could potentially melt a mans foreskin off.

Daniil, the gorgeous bachelor, was staring out the window, with a cup of hot tea in his left hand. In his right hand, there was an SR-25 which he used to quicky terminate the annoying birds off the trees.

They woke him up way too early.

His sleep schedule was already messed up, especially after having continuous nightmares of him failing as a healer and bringing death to all.
He also dreamed of a thousand wet lions chasing him down a narrow alleyway, but that made him horny instead.

He looked down at his gigantic boner and then let out a sigh. When did his life become this fucked up? And since when did wet lions give him an erection?

Clearly, he hadn't been with anyone in quite a while, if he gets aroused by things like this.

The cup, which was now in his right hand after he put down the sniper rifle, suddenly broke after the amount pressure he'd forced onto it. He looked down again to see that the tea had spilled all over his boner and there were tiny pieces of the cup lodged in his hand.

He wasn't even surprised when he saw his penis getting harder as it got soaked in tea.

He is so fucked.

After contemplating for 45 minutes, he decided to clean himself up. He took all his clothes off and placed them on the toilet seat, then sat down and peed all over them. It was recently, when he discovered that his piss has the ability to clean things. Let's not expand on how he found that out...

After his cleaning session he had a shower. A shower so embarrasing it made him question his own sanity. Since his boner was still rock hard... he decided to put an end to it. It took him 23 minutes and 38 seconds to cum and if that's not dissapointing, then he doesn't know what is...

He needed something... no, someone to help him out. To help him finish faster and if that doesn't happen he might aswell die with shame.

All this, happened about a week ago right after he met the one.
It really is a miracle, how our deepest desires can sometimes manifest into reality in such a short time. However, it might be surprising that someone like Daniil, who was nicknamed 'The Bachelor' of all things, couldn't find anyone for themselves.

The truth is, Daniil was a huge pussy. He was not afraid of death, or fighting off menacing criminals, but his fear of communication was very present and infact was so visible that each time he questioned why nobody ever spoke to him the answer always felt very blatant.

This shamefully obvious phase of his, however, had been broken the moment he set his eyes on her.

The said 'her', was a girl named Zsofesz, who lived nearby, just a street away from Daniil. He could see her walk by every morning and was always fascinated by her funky moves. To elaborate, it seemed to Daniil that she must be cheerful all the time to be pulling those jaw dropping moves, if not, then she's probably just autistic.

Nonetheless he liked the way she marched down the street, not caring about who could see her and who could not.

And that particular talent made Daniil very attracted to Zsofesz. So attracted, so devoted that he thought he might never like anyone that much again.

That was until he found out how annoying she truly was. Like compared to those birds he shot down from the trees, she was a 100x worse. If insanity could speak it's mind it would sound like Zsofesz.
But Daniil could go on about her irritating nature, yet he could not deny that he was just as terrible.

They spoke to each other first a week ago. Because, coinsidentally, Zsofesz had walked by just when Daniil successfully broke his cup. The witness quickly turned his way to make sure he wasn't greatly injured.

And now this may seem all nice and easy, but, as Daniil remembers, their conversation went down like this:

*Cup breaks loudly*

'Ah shit! ' Daniil said.

'Um, hey, are you alright in there?' Zsofesz asked and went closer to Daniil's window.

'Oh, uh, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry about it.' And Daniil desperately tried to ease the situation but it didn't exactly work.

'Umm are you sure? ' Zsofesz asked while her finger was pointed up in a nerdy way 'That big stain on your leg looks kinda sus...' And she grinned. What?

Daniil was well aware of his millenial eld but she's clearly acting like a child. At least she could've made it sound genuine, but the way she phrased her question was audibly mocking.

'Yes, I'm sure. Thanks...' Daniil lifted up a hand, trying to dismiss her but only after her mind caught up she decided to leave. She continued dancing, perhaps even after she dissapeared around the street corner.

That's how it went down, in Daniil's head at least, his semi-successful first interaction with the soon to be love of his life. Zsofesz.