What do I say? How do I explain? I just stare at him for a minute, not knowing what to do. I feel my heart start to race, and my breathing gets faster. I can feel the anxiety creeping into my body. "y/n, calm down-" He tries to comfort me but it's no use. I've already started a full on panic attack.
I get up from the floor and run to my bathroom. I slam the door shut and lock the door as I see him walk into my room. I sink into the floor, and pull my knees close to my chest. I practice my breathing exercises my therapist told me to start using. I breathe in and out, trying to concentrate.
After what seems like forever, I feel my breathing become normal and my heart slows. I stand up from the floor and my hand shakes as I reach for the door handle. I turn my head to look in the mirror. I've stopped crying, but the mascara stains still linger. I turn the lock and walk into my bedroom.
He immediately looks up at me. He gets up from the place where he was sitting on my bed and slowly walks towards me. I look up at him, and I can see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. I look down at my feet, trying to avoid his eyes. "I'm sorry" I whisper, feeling my face get hot. His hand cups my cheek, tilting it towards him again. "You have nothing to be sorry for"
He takes my hand and leads me into my living room (the couch and tv space that is connected to my kitchen in my apartment). We sit down on the couch, and I can tell I look confused. "You don't have to tell me" Conan whispers. He leans me against him, my head laying on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around and pull me closer. I can feel the blush creep into my cheeks.
"It's not that I don't wanna tell you-" I pause, trying to figure out how to word this. "It's just-" I pause again. Why is talking to him so hard? "Just what?" he says. "I'm scared to tell you" I blurt out. I back away from him, scooting away slightly.
"Scared?" His coffee colored eyes gaze deep into mine. I can tell he's trying hard to understand. "I'm...scared of what you'll think...what you'll say" He thinks about his words for a second, then looks back at me. "You shouldn't be."
"But...you don't understand" I look away from him, feeling the tears coming back. "I want to understand." He looks at me, and I can tell he genuinely means it.
