superfluous | thiago alcântara

chapter twenty three ; thiago

Dear whoever is reading this,

I was forced to write this by Rafinha because I had to get my feelings out on paper apparently. Whoever isn't really whoever, this letter is to none other then Bruna Nicolau. I will NEVER send this to you, but I had to write it.

They say the first stage of a breakup is desperate for answers. The second stage is denial. Third stage is said to be bargaining. Fourth stage being relapse. Anger is the fifth stage of a breakup. Initial acceptance and redirected hope being the last two.

I don't think I will ever get to those sixth and seventh stages anytime soon or ever. Mixed in with all of those stages was alcohol. I've drank more alcohol in these past months than I have in my entire lifetime.

Anyways.. hi Bruna. It's been about five months since we broke up. Five long, unbearable months. Loosing you was something I really couldn't handle. I guess now I am okay, but not as good as I could be.

The day after we broke up I drowned myself in alcohol. I drank so much that I forgot where I was but I couldn't forget where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with you, by your side. Sadly, I couldn't. Being with you was no longer a possibility.

Hundreds of people have asked me what went wrong with our relationship. God, it was so hard to answer it. Maybe it was the fact that we rushed it all. I repeated the word maybe about thirty times before finally finding the right answer.

I think we were meant to be, but we just did it all wrong. We both had our faults, me having more than you. I fucked up majorly and didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated.

We screwed each other over. No matter how hard we tried, we could never be perfect. Half of this letter probably makes no sense, I get that. I just don't know how to explain my feelings about me and you, Bruna.

When Rafa told my family about how we were officially done. God, all hell broke loose in the Alcantara household. A lot of them asking what I did wrong. I didn't have much of an answer and I was shocked by the support you had on my side of the family.

I mean obviously, my mom and dad loved you like their own daughter. They didn't care all that much about how I felt. So maybe, this fueled a large fire inside of me. The large fire burned for the first two months after our breakup.

I was angry, incredibly angry. From the day after you broke up with me till 3 months ago. After the anger faded, I've been feeling these waves of different emotions. I had so much despair inside of me and I don't know when it will go away. I've been talking to people about you and apparently you are doing really good.

I wonder if you know how bad I am doing. Has anyone informed you of how shitty my life has been? How angry I was? How depressed I now am? How I barely get any sleep at night? How I want to drink my nights away, but no one lets me? How I'm treated like I am a bomb that is just about to explode? No? No one has told you that?

I guess I've had a girlish reaction to our breakup, but what else am I supposed to do? I lost you and I failed to make you happy.

Love,
Thiago

~

Dear Bruna,

It's been about two years since we broke up and things are a lot different now. I could make up and excuse and say that Rafinha made me write this, but he didn't. I mean I don't know why I'm making up excuses or anything cause no one will ever see this.

I found the first letter I wrote you in the back of my closet while I was moving my stuff into boxes. Yeah, I'm moving to a new place in Barcelona. As I said before, a lot of things are different now.

I'm over our break up. I couldn't please you and I've totally accepted it now. Surprisingly, I've been in a relationship with Layna for the past year and the other day I found out that I'm gonna be a father in nine months. Yeah... Pretty crazy.

I feel like I have to update you on my life even though you'll never actually see this. I'm still playing in Barcelona if you didn't know... I mean you probably do know..

Where even are you? I haven't heard someone say your name in a year maybe even more. Rafinha stopped talking about you, or maybe he just stopped talking about you to me.

I extended my contract at Barcelona for another four years... I think most of the people from Bayern Munich got over my move. I haven't talked to a lot of them in ages. Awhile ago, Robert contacted me and updated me on people at the club.

Robert and Anna named their daughter Rose.. If you didn't know and they asked me to be her godfather right after she was born. I still haven't met Rose, but I'm planning on visiting once Layna has the baby.

To be honest, I'm pretty scared to be a father. I mean it will be the best experience in my life probably, but jesus christ it's a scary thought. I have to take care of another human being. A small, helpless, human being.

When I told my mom, she was beyond excited. Rafinha and his new girlfriend freaked out. You would love Rafa's girlfriend, Bruna. Her name is Natasha. She's the perfect girl for him, she is probably the exact opposite of him which is why they balance out so easily.

Kind of like how me and you worked.. I mean obviously that didn't work so hopefully they aren't like us. I just wanted to check in on you because I do miss you every once in awhile. I mean obviously we weren't meant to be, but doesn't mean I can't miss your presence right?

I don't know why I'm mumbling on and on about nothing. I doubt you would really care about any of this anymore.. I just hope you are happy and healthy Bruna.

Sincerely,
Thiago

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A/N

SO! I'm updating a little more fast now & One more chapter then an Epilogue maybe😧 The time hop is cray 🔀

I'm thinking about making another fic, but I don't know who I want to do it on 😁

Well thank you for the likes & comments❤️❤️ Hope you like this update 😊