RANT

My Dad

To be quite honest I don't know where to start. My mind is literally boggled at the moment. So one day my dad got home and everything was fine I greeted him and went about my day, I was on the phone with my friend playing roblox like every other 15 year old girl would.

Maybe about 2 hours go by and I'm still on the phone with her but we were probably gonna cut the phone in js a moment.

My dad comes into my room and says "you're still on the phone??" I say yes and he goes "get off that phone right now" in a really harsh tone. I'm like????? because idkk where the sudden anger came from.

So I cut the phone with my friend and i'm like I don't want to js get back on my phone because it seems that's what he has a problem with nd I don't want him to take it away so I get up and microwave some food from the fridge even though I wasn't hungry fr.

I js needed smt to do besides be on my phone. he walks up to me and goes "so you didn't know you were hungry when you were on the phone??" again in a really harsh tone. I didn't say anything cuz like what could I say

and he's like "go put your phone in my room, from now on you put your phone away at 8:00" because at my 15 years of age he still takes my phone at night. So i kinda js pause and stand there cuz like wtf js happened? then i go put it away right.

Now if you understand yoruba he said "ibage oshi" while I was putting it away and i'm still confused how this was me acting spoiled or js exhibiting bad behavior period.

I go to bed that day confused and with a heavy heart, because i js couldn't for the life of me understand the sudden change in attitude and need for aggression. I also felt really nervous which is a feeling I hate feeling because it js makes me feel almost suffocated and restrained.

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Now this happened today. My school has been having exam week and they said we have school today to get our final marks. more nervs. because while I did good last semester this semester I had science and math.

Whice I'm not terrible at science like i got a 90 or 80 in grade 9 but my teacher this year quite literally can not teach, and i was confused majority of the semester.

For math it's definitely not my strong suit and i got a 75 in grade 9 so my dad bough me a grade 10 math book over the summer to help me in grade 10 and i ended up with a 68.

anyways back to the point I told him about how I have school but ALSO about how I had a meeting after school because I am volunteering to help with the grade 9 orientation in august.

THIS MAN GOES "your mom has to meet the teacher running it otherwise you can't go" i'm confused because why the actual fuck would i lie about going to school??? but whatever i say ok because i am literally scared of him.

I am so scared of him that i had to work up the courage the whole day to tell him about me having school. like why am I so scared to tell the most simplest shit??? am i not supposed to feel the most comfortable around him??

So anyways fast forward to this morning we're going to school and i told my mom I don't know where the teacher is gonna be because i don't have any of her classes (she's a grade 11-12 teacher & i'm in grade 10) i'm like i'll show u the google classroom announcement though because i don't have SHIT to lie about.

While i was doing all this though i felt really uncomfortable because why do I have to prove all of this???

So we get in the car and i'm like "so why do you guys even want all of this proof??" and I know it's because my they don't trust me but I need to hear one of them say it.

I basically asked her if it was because they don't trust me and she says "we just want to protect you" PROTECT ME FROM WHATTTT????!?!?? VOLUNTEER HOURS???!?!??

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

you might be wondering well have you done anything in the past to loose their trust?

NO the reason my dad is acting like i'm some type of troubled child who he needs to watch over at all times is because he's projecting on me the fact that he is constantly sneaking around and cheating on his wife of more than two decades.

and i am the one who has caught him the last three times THAT WE KNOW OF (he's still cheating to this day)

the last time i caught him which was i think in april i was very much angry but i NEVER disrespected him because i am SCARED of him.

he ofcourse was angry i called him out the way i did because the time before that i was crying and more sad than anything and I guess he felt he could have more controll over the situation that way which he did.

anyways he threw a temper tantrum yelled at me all that, but what specifically stood out to me was him yelling that he, and I quote "doesn't give a damn about my stupid feelings".

this made my jaw drop because while me and  my dad may have had some issues I never felt like he didn't care about my feelings but hearing him say it out loud completely changed my impression of him.

anyways he took my phone, found nothing, but acted like he did so that he could have a reason to put it on me.

so he lied and told my mother the next day that he found in my phone that i was sneaking out of school to see boys.

where he got this lie from i don't know but yea. my mom didn't believe him ofcourse and he ended up giving me back my phone 2 days later because he knew he couldn't provide any proof to my mom which she asked to see and never got.

because of this i think since then while things basically went back to normal he has been wanting to catch me slipping.

that's why he's convincing himself that he needs to watch my every move and controll everything i do. to further push his narrative even though we all know he is the sneaky one.