Veni, Vidi...Vici?

Chapter Five

I'm getting to him as much as he is getting to me. It is probably for the best that we got split up again before either of us for that matter does anything drastic. Those ideas become my first thoughts as I open my eyes for the first time since being drugged. Despite him indirectly saving the both of us by splitting us up, I hate him for it. Whether it be I hate them for imprisoning me all over again, or from taking me from him—from the remnants of life.

I have been sitting on the floor in the corner of the room for some time in the safest corner I can find, between a dresser and a wall, just thinking. I quickly realised since waking up that he hasn't cuffed me to the bed and I've been taking full advantage of it. And, trust me I've already tried escaping through the window, but they are already ten steps ahead of me. They put safety bars on the window preventing me from even considering trying. He has also taken everything that I can pick up and use as a weapon in any way. All except the vase of flowers which I can't seem to wrap my head around. If anything the vase was the most dangerous thing in this room before he took everything else out. Even the empty picture frame was taken. I've already thought about breaking the glass vase and either using it as a weapon for when they eventually come back or to turn it on myself and finally just end it all. Yet, I just can't bring myself to do it. As absurd as it sounds, I can't break it and leave the flowers without a place to go. At least if it's not me that leaves alive I want these flowers to live a long fulfilling life. A long one that Bangchan will care for and constantly have to think about the person he got them for.

I pull the sleeves up to the hoodie that he changed me into when I threw up. It feels itchy on my skin regardless of its soft texture. I would love to just take it off and throw it to the other side of the room but I don't feel comfortable doing so. I don't want to be any more vulnerable than I am now by being bare in front of him. I sit on the floor for some time watching the door waiting for him to come in. I am surprised when I actually see him open the door and look around the room for me. I don't call his name or bring any attention towards me, I just wait for him to find me himself. I rest my head against the wall next to me, and he finally sees me sitting in the corner to the right of him.

He slowly makes his way towards me and sits down next to me silently. He rests his head on the wall behind him and we both just bask in a somewhat tranquility before he speaks up, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

I just look at him refusing to say anything, and he continues, "Please don't do that. Talk to me, please?" I keep my eyes impassive and he actually looks dejected, "Please Changbin..." I don't have time to sit stunned hearing him begging me. Me. For forgiveness.

He shimmy's closer to me invading the corner of the room I once considered the safest. It now feels the most dangerous because I have nowhere to go. If I tried to run away I would have to go through him. He reaches his hand out and holds the side of my face. I want to slap his hand away so badly. He is only bringing the two of us closer than we ever need to be.

I finally speak up, "This can't happen again Bangchan. You know that. Not after yesterday." I feel nauseous at the feeling that we are more like a toxic relationship, than the more morbid reality. Just two people who are bad for each other. That's all it is. Until you let yourself sit in the undertones of it all for long enough and it makes you want to slit your own throat out of disgust. But I haven't yet, I probably should have—but I haven't.

He pulls his hand away and sits back in his original position which is looking off in front of him. Both of us know the longer the two of us are together the worse it gets for the both of us. The brighter he gets and the darker I get, and it is too big of a change for the both of us too late in our lives. But then again I was already messed up before I got here, he is just helping me accept that.