Veni, Vidi...Vici?

Chapter Six

       I lean into his kiss desperate to prove to him why I shouldn't be another victim they murder and torture down here. I feel an all too familiar feeling from the last kiss we had in his room. This time I just accept it. I can taste the pungent fruitiness of an alcohol lingering in his mouth despite knowing the last time he drank was a day ago. The longer we kiss, I start to forget the situation I am in. I forget the current but also my past. I'm forgetting the person I am kissing. I continue tasting him like somehow I can get drunk from the imaginary taste of alcohol in his mouth. Before I can get fully swept away into a comforting fermented tasting darkness, Bangchan stops the kiss. He grabs the top of the chained leash pulling me down like a force of gravity.

       He grins his dimples peeking out. I could just fall to the floor looking up at him, "I loved your reaction. Your big round eyes, and your desperate little kiss." He lifts my chin up and rubs my bottom lip with his thumb. "You are so hot when you seek my validation so eagerly Changbin."

       I absentmindedly nod and attempt to bring my head up so I get another kiss. His grip on the chain forces me to stay in place. Just one more taste...

       "After seeing all this you still want to kiss me?" His words cause me to snap back into reality. Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with me? He is proving how distasteful I really am. I'm really just as bad as him.

       "I- I-," I stutter my eyes wandering frantically searching for an explanation for my actions.

       He tuts and puts his finger up to my lips, "Don't hurt your pretty little head with those thoughts of yours. You know what- consider this Divine Intervention. It was meant for you to finally peel the artificial layers back and see you for who you really are."

       I am so lost at the moment that I can't really comprehend what he is saying. Everything he says ends up besmirching me some way or another. It's better I not listen at all then to listen to someone read me like a book. Reading my pages like a book that he's read before and knows all too well.

       I scoff when I finally replay the past few minutes back in my head—when I finally understand what he is saying. "I'm not...I'm not like you. Stop- just shut up. Fuck...Please." I close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands. Desperately crushing my head between my palms and protecting myself from anymore of his accusations.

       I didn't kiss him because I felt a connection to him. I kissed him to bring his guard down, to earn his trust. I finally open my eyes to his eyes peering into mine just inches away. I sigh and slowly take my hands from the sides of my head. Who am I kidding? I kissed him because I selfishly wanted to. Not because of some stupid excuse.

       "Bangchan..." I hesitate but he tilts his head and raises his eyebrows, genuinely interested in what I have to say. I can't help but ease up watching his body language. "How many? Like how many have you...killed?"

       He smiles but it isn't jovial, more of amusion like he is entertained by my curiosity—by my existence alone. I guess this situation would be amusing to someone like him. For someone like me it is torture. Every moment I am here it is both physically and mentally taxing.

       "Will the number cause you to rethink everything?"

       "I-...We'll...we'll see." I wait, expectantly but prepared for the worst.

       He gazes at my face in thought, "I cannot tell you an exact number. But I guess that it is quite a few if I can't even remember the number." Despite the nuance of the conversation he chuckles.

       "Do you ever regret or...wish you weren't like this?"

       "In the beginning I thought I did. As time went on I realised the uneasiness was from the fear of being caught. I am much more comfortable now." He pauses then makes sure we make eye contact for a few seconds before continuing. "Has your view of me changed?"