The next day I sat with jay and my two other friends Mel and Bri, I was laughing with them because Mel just created some weird crazy would you rather question. "Okay okay, then would you rather uhm....kidnapped, by a mafia boss-" She said and I just tucked my hair behind my ear "oh" I joke chuckling because she finished "and he skin you alive" I furrow my brows my smile dropping my eyes changing to concern "Oh-" she chuckles before speaking again. "or would you rather-" I honestly stopped listening. I was too focused on something else, my eyes were glued to him, I want to look away, I want to stop this, these feelings, "What the hell are you saying Mel" Bluey asked some joking concern to his tone his hands pressed against the back of my chair my heart racing. I controlled my breathing as I focused on something else. "Mel how do you come up with things like these" I chuckled before feeling his presence beside me also cause he is visible to my eyesight now. He stayed silent as Mel talked, I didn't focus I couldn't I only imagined things in my head, feeling his hands on mine, my thoughts shift to reality again. his girlfriend, the only feelings he has for me is slight care cause we are friends. Maybe not even care, I'm sure but I always tell myself he cares even the slight bit even if it's from being friends. I turn to look up at him, just a little glance, he turned down to face me making me turn away, he speaks up again "I should probably get going before the Mr.A gets mad" he turned and walked back to his group. I swallowed but my throat was dry, I just lie... to myself again like I always do.
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I came back home and walked through the door walking into my room. I set my bag down and take my uniform hoodie off. I sigh as i sat down on my bed taking a second making sure to gather my feelings. He had been ignoring me the whole day, I know why but like, he said he was fine with my feelings for him, he knows im trying, he knows i respect his wishes his girlfriend, I felt anger, my tears finally spilled as fear anger and sadness washed over me before i took a deep breath and swallowed my tears wiping them off acting happy, I hear my name, My heart races, My palms become sweaty, i wipe my tears as fast as I can without making my eyes red and i take a breath, a small smile on my lips before leaning against the wall looking at my mom who just called me, "I'm going out so take care of the kids" I nod "Okay" she grabs her bag and she walks put the door my step dad tagging along. I walk over to the living room and take a breath. it was a shaky breath as i shut my eyes and I lean back against the couch before hearing my little brothers fighting, I sigh and stood up walking over to my room and scolding them mostly the older one because he is the one who always hits the little one and I was way to angry and tired for any bullshit and he knew that but didn't care, I mean hes 7.
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Another night not sleeping, It was 6:30, any minute now my mom will come into my room to "wake me up" thinking I'm asleep. I sit up and grab my phone and open snapchat going through the names before going onto Bluey, I text him, "Hey Bluey I feel like your being awkward around me like have i done anything to make you uncomfortable?" I sit up and get ready before my mom opens my door but she sees me awake so she closes the door and walks away into the living room to wait till she has to take me to school. Once i finish I turn and grab my phone sitting back down onto my bed before seeing a message from Bluey. "Naw just a lot has happened the past couple days and shit so like I feel kinda more pushed away from certain people I'm sorry if I made you feel some way bc that" I sigh feelings some relief "Oh that's okay I'm sorry for worrying I js felt like I did something wrong" I replied. I slay on my bed and sigh, "it'll be a long day today".
