"Hi Celes, how do you keep enough belief in yourself to be self-confident? Sometimes I find myself filled with so much self-doubt that it becomes crippling." - Mike
Today I will be covering the topic of self confidence, triggered by the above question a reader sent me earlier this month. I thought that this will be a topic that will be very beneficial to everyone since building self confidence is a goal which many people have.
Are You Self-Confident?
"Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." - Samuel Johnson
For the next one minute, think about how you see yourself. How much self-confidence do you have of yourself on a whole? How confident do you feel regarding your work? How about when you are with your friends? Your partner if you have one? Your family? How confident do you feel when it comes to your finances? How about other things, such as making a presentation at school/work, talking to a stranger, or even public speaking? Do you feel confident in yourself all of those situations? Do you feel confident regardless of the situations you are in?
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence refers to assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power, regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a strong sense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. He/she exudes calmness, composure and is self-aware.
Self-confidence is often linked with possessing of certain knowledge, skill sets or abilities, whether it is acquired or innate. While having aptitude in a particular area can help bolster your self-worth, it is not a necessary prerequisite for self confidence. Someone with absolutely no competency in something can still be self-confident. We will discuss this in detail in the later half of the article.
Lack of Self-Confidence Cripples You
Have you ever known someone who has low self-confidence? How does this person come across to you? A person who has a lack of self-confidence has a lack of self belief, usually caused by a sense of uncertainty about one thing or another.
Here are 8 typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence:
Undervaluing what they are capable of
Taking blame even when it is not their fault
Being overly shy and reserved
Overly critical of themselves, for example neurotic perfectionists
Being hung up over negative outcomes and 'failures' in the past
Preoccupation with the negative outcomes and failure even though they have not manifested yet
Having a fearful and adverse attitude toward most things
Doing things to please others
People with low self-confidence tend to repel people around them. Their limiting mindsets and behaviors make them feel 'heavy' and a 'drag' to be around. If we are to refer to the Map of Consciousness, these people vibrate in consciousness levels of Pride and below - usually levels of Shame, Guilt, Apathy and Fear.
Lack of self-confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in your opportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's imagine you have a project you are tasked with. Say you lack self-confidence and you predict you will not be able to deliver to expectations. What do you think will happen next? This lack of self-belief is going to influence the thoughts and actions that you undertake, both on a conscious and subconscious level. When you are constantly thinking about a negative outcome, it takes your focus off what you should be doing to achieve a desirable outcome. This eventually leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because an undesirable outcome is manifested, your belief gets enforced and you continue to have low, if not lower, self-confidence.
On the flip side, what if you are a self-confident person placed in that exact same scenario? What do you think will happen? Chances are, things will pan out differently. Because you are certain of an imminent success, you do everything needed to make it happen. If you don't have the skills, you will acquire it. If you don't have the knowledge, you will learn it. If something completely unprecedented happens, your confidence somehow taps into your subconscious for the solution. This sets you up for success, which subsequently enforces your self-worth, leading you on to more success. Even though you may have started out from the same spot as others, just having the self-confidence will take you much further than someone who does not have it.
