But daddy I love him

I still Do

With every longing breath of one of us you get to feel how much it's asked from this; we've all been trained to be a part of it our whole lives and that is all we've built for our futures.

The world hasn't been the same as the one they show in history books, we've been suffering a drought for hundreds of years and a different threat has shown itself for even longer. We have built our knowledge and strength around it ever since we learned how to talk, none of us have seen it before or endured that danger other than listened to horror stories in the middle of the night about myths and tattle tales told by our elders. So, once upon a time this world that was once peaceful and lived its own problems of hunger and wars was presented to forces that seemed alien to us at first but had been living under our very ground for centuries.

We tried to fight it but these forces were underestimated by our ancestors so we've lived in hiding ever since. In 1918, they created the Shadow Games.

We still live in the need of basic supplies that can only be found outside of our barriers so every year we send 20 of our best athletes to bring them home so we can live another year in peace. It is one day of running, gathering and hiding from battles that we've learned from our past that we cannot fight, so far at least 8 or 6 of those athletes are able to return so our training just gets even more and more difficult. People have grown competitive with time and we have hated each other more and more, always looking to strive on our own and what was once a chance of survival became a game because of it.

The rules are simple, 20 people are sent for 3 days to gather supplies from outside the barrier, the one that returns first with the most wins a life of freedom and cherishes what it felt like to be rich in the olden days.

It is my turn to go with 19 others who I've known my whole life, have analysed every part of to better manipulate them but never have I once stopped to think about them in a different light until a few weeks before the game.

His name is Owen, we're all supposed to be the same ages, 10 men and 10 women around 17-18 with the same year of birth, but if the number of the qualified is low for a certain year, some that have gone before are sent back. He's 3 years older than us as well as the other 5 from this year.

They mostly taught us their best to enhance our profit but, in the end, we're competing against each other.

They always keep their best secrets to themselves so I never know if I can truly trust him but our relationship has gone over casual long ago and the only reason it's walking the same track for so long it's because we can't afford to not keep it a secret.

There was always something about him that sparked my attention, he always stayed for longer, always strived for more and we've always been intimidated by him so everyday ever since he kissed me, I've been convincing myself that he's not trustable and once he wins, he will leave but a part of me wants us to die out there every time he touches me.

During the day, I blind myself of fantasies and loves and haunt my mind with the fear of the unknown, "you can never trust those stories they told us when we were kids. I've never seen one before but I choose to not believe those different forms
and shapes they could take to haunt us, that'll only make it worse", exactly what he told me not to do.

At night, I hope to fall asleep alone but sometimes he finds me. I never see him at the training base but tonight we left around 2.a.m and we decided to go to my house but we lost track of time and I woke up to see him leaving but before I could say anything my dad got into my bedroom.

This was 5 days before the game started, he rushed out the door as my dad was throwing him out, he believed in my greatest fears from this, this was only a strategy to win out there, Owen almost won his first game by a thread so he'd do anything to win now, I remember rushing into my dress and running without buttoning it and out of flush I screamed but daddy I love him. I couldn't hold myself;

he started yelling at me of death threats and stupidities of me, I didn't want to believe in it but Owen just left and we haven't talked ever since.

I slept being heated by my cold blood and believing in war stories and forms and shapes of anything that could kill me.

I didn't have beliefs of hope and love, I could barely look through the sides without crying, everyone knew about this and rumours would spread around like ashes, my name was scattered through the air and I wished to leave as soon as I could wondering what I could do once I was out those barriers, so called protected areas.

My dad still hoped for me to return safely so I could hear my name "Sarah" like a comfort from their lips but other than that I had nothing.

When the morning came and sun rose as we all stood in front of the gates, I could feel eyes bathing my body until the ceremony was over and I was able to go on my own ways.

This part of town was just like ours at first glance but quiet, abandoned and invaded, the trees grew over the buildings and covered the streets, the sky looked the same but the air around it was heavy.

I concentrated myself on getting a good number of medicines, food, weapons and most important of all, books, a lost art in our lives.

I wondered through a mall I found, gathering medicines and books that were left behind, sometimes you could find the rests of old lost players and I unlucky enough to. Her bag had her name in it, it had a lot of good items but it broke my heart when I found baby clothes and a small teddy bear inside it.

Her stuff was marked for 1992, 3 years ago and I felt this need to hold onto it.

The night was cold and this sudden breeze covered the whole place, I couldn't bare to sleep, scared to death of whatever I could find but as I ran around, I kept seeing things and hearing noises all around me and as I felt this force enter my body someone pushed me to the ground as I gained conscience again.

He was there. He told me that's how most of them die, the mortality rate for anyone who goes out has never been low but that's how it happens, we're possessed and we drive ourselves to death.

That's how she died, she was from his game and has rumours had it she was expecting. He didn't say anything else but he also didn't walk away, maybe I was the new weakling, after years and years I've spent preparing for this and I almost died on the first day.

I was extremely frustrated and I couldn't think of anything else, I was scared of being tricked in here by the other players so I forgot about the real danger.

He never left my side, I didn't understand why, he didn't talk to me or did anything but I never explored anywhere on my own.

We were able to find the bodies of some of the players in our game, they had a good lot but it felt so hopeless. These were the best from the hundreds born on our year and they were killed like nothing, Owen just grabbed their stuff and left but all of those things I had learned to win fell to nothing, if I just stayed still and waited for them to die, I'd win, easy.

It didn't take me long to realize he wouldn't go back, he strayed away from sighting and known places and he seemed to care very little about what he had waiting for him back home.

So, I told him I was going back and I was going to win the game but he didn't let me go, he held my arm and kept me close to him, I begged him to let me go but he denied it.

I looked at him in disbelief, I lost by breath but I didn't break out contact, he looked like he wanted to cry but he was holding onto my wrist for so long I started to show off my pain and he immediately let me go and just asked me to stay.

I reminded him of a few days back when I told him how I had loved him before and he just walked away but all he could say was I still do.

His words resonated in my brain looking for any logic behind it, I was supposed to go back, the game ended in just a few hours and I had this small silent voice in my head screaming to win it but my body just stayed still as he touched my cheeks and felt my tears run through his fingers.

That was the first game nobody came back to, we usually had 4 or 6 victors who either won or trained for the next one but nobody came back to this one.

We found the rest on the following days and those that we couldn't find were last seen miles away from our tracks.

He was looking for somewhere peaceful and I was walking along with him.

I never thought I'd be so proud of losing a game I was trying to convince myself I could still win.