Guest UnfortuNATE

Chapter 8: I'm Losing You

"Why are you still up?"
Ace's thoughts were interrupted when she heard a sleepy voice behind her. She turned to see her best friend approaching her with two cups of steaming coffee in her hands.
"I could ask you the same thing," Ace smiled as she accepted the other cup Heart offered. "Thanks."
"I woke up feeling thirsty and saw that you're not on the bed, thought I'd find you here," Heart sat beside her bestfriend. "Can't sleep?"
"You bet."
"Something's bothering you."
"That wasn't a question," Ace mused, half-smiling.
"You are not this unusually quiet."
"I've always been quiet, Heart."
Her friend scoffed before turning to look at her.
"Tell that to the others and they might believe you but we've been friends since forever, I've known you all my life. I might not be able to read what's going on in that crazy mind of yours but I can tell when something's wrong with you."
Ace smiled,"Just tired."
"Bullshit. I'd really take offense if you'd still refuse to tell me what's bothering you."
Ace sighed in defeat. Her bestfriend could be this annoyingly stubborn.
"I was just thinking about yesterday and last night," she finally admitted.
"Nate?"
"Something just doesn't feel quite right and I don't just understand a thing. It's frustrating, you know."
"Hey, stop trying to take responsibility over everything that concerns us. You know that a lot of things could happen and we have no control over it. You can't protect everyone even if you wanted to."
Heart turned serious. She had known Ace all her life and all she did was take care of everything but herself. Ever since that tragic night, she was never the same Ace again.

Something everybody else doesn't know was that Ace was so like her before; she was even more playful than Heart, she was once so bubbly and has that puppy energy, who loves to tease and pull harmless pranks on people, always had ways to make them laugh or just giggle for days. She was this ball of sunshine before. Always smiling and face so bright, one would think she was the sun itself.
But that was a long time ago she could barely remember it, and she had been honestly missing that version of Ace. If only she could turn back time, she'd go back to that night Ace lost both her parents and change everything.
But she knew it'd be impossible.
And now, it has gotten worse. She noticed that Ace seems to be throwing her life away for them. Like she doesn't care at all what happens to her as long as her friends are safe.
If not for the girls, she might have succumbed to oblivion already. Heart knew that. It was heartbreaking enough that she needs to be the one who have to find her that one particular night, just a trigger away from death.

"I can't help it."
"Ace, I'm fucking losing you. I know you don't want to talk about it but I'm just afraid I'll completely lose the Ace I grew up with." Heart looked her in the eyes. "Is the old Ace somewhere in there? Tell her I missed my golden retriever and ball of sunshine."
Ace was shocked when her bestfriend began to cry. She reached out to wipe her tears but Heart stopped her, holding her hand instead, gripping it so hard she thinks she might break her bones.
"Think about it. We promised to tell each other everything but have we ever really talked about you? I bared myself to you, inside and out, you knew me like the back of your hand. But me? I'm now wondering if I really know who you are anymore."
Ace sighed. She doesn't like where this conversation seems to be going but she knew that Heart won't drop it anytime soon.
"I've always waited for you to be the one to tell it to me, to open up to me but you became even more cold and withdrawn as we grow up. Yes, we've been talking but have we really spoken? If I'm being honest, this Ace that Diamond and Heart came to know was even far from the Ace I grew up with."
"Heart..."
"What? You don't like talking about it? Fine, you'll just push it deeper down there and pretend that it didn't happen or that it's already taken care of and that there's no need to address it anymore. But you and I both knew they were there and eating you out."
"What do you want?"
"Bring back the old Ace."
"She's dead."
"Fuck it. I know she's in there somewhere."
"She died that night, Heart."
Heart was taken aback by Ace's sharp tone but she was adamant to confront her bestfriend. She was done waiting for her to be the one to talk to her about it. She might never will. And she doesn't care if they have to go back to that night where everything started.

"Will you be staying the night?" Heart was giddy with the thought of them spending their night by the bonfires which her parents promised her the day before and so she excitedly called her bestfriend.
She knew that her best friend had been sulking because she got to be left at her grandparents while her parents went to a one-week vacation to celebrate their wedding anniversary.
"Of course."
"Okay, see you."
They had been enjoying their cozy tents when Heart's parents came to break their fun.
"What was that again, Daddy?"
"Let's take Ace home. Her Nana and Dada are waiting for her."
"But, why?" Heart started throwing a tantrum when she was told that their bonfire sleepover is over.
"Something came up." Her mother tried to explain, hiding the tears in her eyes. "They really need Ace back home, muchacha. It's about her mummy and daddy. It's really important."
"But they'll not be back until tomorrow's tomorrow," Ace innocently stated, Heart nodding furiously beside her. "But if you say so, I'll go home," she whispered reluctantly, head hanging low.
"I'll go with her." Heart sighed in defeat as she took her friend's hand in hers.
"I think she might need that." Her father agreed as he carries them both to the car.
The drive home was filled with heavy silence the children can feel but cannot understand.
"Nana! Dada!"
Ace ran to her grandparents, Heart following close behind. They were surprised to see that they've been crying.
"What's wrong?"
It took them a while before explaining to her that her parents will never come back.
Their 4-year old minds can't understand why but not too young to be numb of the pain of losing someone they love. That night, something in Ace died. And she was never the same again.
That's when Heart promised that she'll be there for her forever, to be always by her side. Although she knew she might never bring that Ace back, she became like her, taking on the role of making sure her bestfriend always had a reason to smile everyday. Just like she always did before that tragic night.

"You know I love you, right?" Heart wiped her tears.
"I do."
"Then why? Is it not enough to bring her back? Ace, I lost a part of you when you lost your parents, when we lost one of us and almost completely that night you went crazy. Am I losing you again?"
"Heart..."
"Why do I feel like I'm the only one who is desperately holding on to you but you are all too willing to just let this all go? I've been gripping too hard and for too long, and it fucking hurts."
"I can't understand." Ace was confused, searching her friend's eyes for an explanation. "How are you losing me? I am right here, Heart. I won't leave you."
"You just don't understand, do you?" Heart started crying again. "You had been keeping things from me although I know you mean well. I know you'd rather bear those alone because you don't ever wanted to burden any of us. But, Ace, have you forgotten? I am your other half and I can feel your pain. Every. Single. One. I have been suffering with you all these time. Can't you see?"
Every word contains so much emotion, so much pain and desperation. Ace finally understood.
"You seem to have forgotten that there was never a right time to tell me something. The Ace I knew would always tell me everything; things she can't understand, things she is afraid of, things she had been thinking of, things that had been bothering her. Tell me, had I lost her? Was it futile for me to think that somewhere she is still there?"
Ace hugged her tight, trying to keep her tears at bay.
"I'm so sorry, Heart. I was too dumb to think that I'm trying to protect you but didn't think it was actually hurting you. No, she's still here somewhere. Help me find the Ace we both came to know."
Heart smiled through her tears, cupping her best friend's face.
"Then let me."
She then kissed her on the forehead before hugging her again, her heart swelling with love and happiness.
I'm finally getting my bestfriend back.