Unspoken Fears

Chapter 1 ~ Always Have, Always Will

1963

Natalia Lehnsherr

I hurried up the steps behind Erik. He held a briefcase tightly in his hand. His hat shadowed his face. He stopped abruptly outside the doors.

"Wait here, Natalia." Without another word he turned, prepared to leave me outside of his meeting. Again.

"No. Erik?" I followed and rested a hand on his shoulder. He turned to me, his mouth in a grim line.

"Wait."

I frowned. "I didn't come all this way with you to- to be excluded on whatever this is." I gestured to him and the building. "I'm with you, Erik. Let's do this together."

Erik let out a sigh and stuffed his free hand in his pocket. "I appreciate that, Natalia." A half smile. "Trust me, though. I'll be right back." He nodded to a café behind me. "Buy yourself something some coffee?" He handed me some money and turned around, heading into the building before I could stop him.

I had already lost him in the crowd, so fisted the money and spun towards the café. We are together. That's the most important. I trust him. That's enough. As much as I told myself, though, that it was enough doubts tugged at the back of my mind. Was it really enough? We had gone all over the country together and nine times out of ten he always told me to 'wait here'.

"Prosze mala kawe I 'swieza bulecke." I ordered quickly and took my scone and coffee to a bench across from the building Erik had entered. I should have a clear view of him when he came back.

I waited fifteen minutes before a familiar, tall figure started heading my way. I straightened in my chair and Erik adjusted his hat. "All taken care of?"

"That part." He offered a small forced smile.

"If I had someone like her waiting for me, I would have moved a lot faster to get back to her," a man said, in his thick accent. He stirred his coffee and gave us both a smirk. "Five more minutes and she'd no longer be yours."

The spoon spun once around the coffee cup all on its own, sloshing the scalding liquid on the man's face. He sputtered and started to pat himself frantically with his napkins and Erik turned with, an arm at my back to guide me. "Zachowuj sie," Erik clucked at him before we walked away.

"Where are we going now?" I asked softly as we crossed the street.

Erik didn't respond while crossing the busy road. He dropped his arm and pointed to the train station ahead. "How does the United States sound?"

For reasons unknown, relief washed through my body. For the first time, maybe in my whole life, my shoulders relaxed. I smiled a genuine smile. "That sounds lovely."

Images flashed through my mind, the dream life I longed for. A white picket fence, a dog- that was the American dream right?- Erik would get some sort of job in construction, and I would be a librarian or a store clerk. We'd live a peaceful, safe life. We'd stop the traveling and Erik's missions he'd only tell me partially about.

I was so wrapped up in my dream, I didn't mind when Erik left to by the train tickets. What would be the best state? Georgia? What about somewhere that snows?

Erik was back in a flash, the tickets in hand. "The train will take you to Oxford, and from Oxford, you'll take a boat to the United States." He searched his pockets and then handed me an envelope. "We'll meet in New York at that address."

My dream fell like a broken chandelier, crashing and splintering around me. "Meet? We're not going together?"

Erik shook his head, but his eyes looked sad. He kissed my cheek. "I have a few other things to take care, but then we'll be back together."

I took the train ticket from him. "Erik..."

"Trust me, Natalia."

And when you're confident older brother, who has always taken care of you, says that, how can you refuse?

I nodded once. "You promise you'll come back to me?"

"I always have. I always will." He looked at me in all seriousness.

The train whistled then and I tightened my hold on the papers he gave me. I always have. I always will. The words he had said to me every night as children. And every day when we woke. They ripped him away from me, and amongst the tears and scream, usually mine and sometimes his, he always promised. And he always kept that promise.

I nodded. "I'll see you in New York."I reached out for his arm, my hand sliding down to find his hand. Perhaps I was too old to be holding my brother's hand, but sometimes I needed the extra security, the extra reminder.

Instead of his hand, my fingers bumped into the briefcase he had a death grip on. "You'll be late," He pointed with his free hand to the train that whistled again.

"I'll see you. In New York." My heart squeezed. I am a grown woman, I cannot cry over the fact I don't get to see my brother for a few days. And traveling across the world by myself is hardly the scariest thing I've done. I'll be fine- we both will be.

I boarded the train and peered out the window to give him a last wave. He waved once, before turning and disappearing out the way we came.

Get up. Follow him. The thoughts barraged my mind, over and over again. I finally stood to do just that when the train lurched forward.