Heaven couldn't wait

Onika

So tell me, your secrets, I just can't stand to see you leavin'.

-
Nicki

July 9th 2023.... I died. It was hell. I was burnt alive in my home while my wife and children was forced to watch.....the pain I felt when I was burning alive in my home is nothing compared to the pain I experienced when I heard Beyonce screaming for me and my baby's crying it was hell....

I've asked god why he couldn't let me stay with my family and the answer is simple "heaven couldn't wait for you". I watch over them everyday, the kids are thriving but bey....all she does is work work work work work. Outside of being a mother all she does is work. She doesn't go out with friends, she doesn't date, she doesn't live.

I want her happy, but she's so depressed she doesn't even realize it. I try my best to give her signs but she always thinks it's her mind playing tricks on her. I just want her to be happy. I just want her to smile again to live again. She doesn't laugh she doesn't enjoy life. In fact she hates it.

I don't know what else to do. There's not much I can do from up here. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I really am in a better place, but I don't want her creating hell for herself on earth, I understand the car she's been out but even in those there's ways to move on and be happy. I was always brutally honest with her and if I could, I would tell her she's only unhappy because she chooses to be.

As possessive as I was on earth, she cannot spend her life alone. We just simply weren't made in that way she needs companionship. She needs a life partner, and I was there that was me but now that I'm gone, she needs to find someone else who will make her happy Who will make our children happy. I miss my bumblebee and I haven't seen her since I passed. I looked down on her right now. All I see is her working and holding back tears I know grief takes a long time to get over but you have to at least try to get over it. Try to move on.

When I met Beyoncé, she always had a smile on her face always laughing always happy always joyful always seem the good and everything looking on the bright side I guess to her there is no bright side, but I can point out 1 million of them which is ironic because on earth, it was the other way around She was always the optimistic one always looking on the bright side of everything no matter how bad the situation but now everything is so gloomy in her life the only time she genuinely happy when she's with the kids and that's only half the time the other half she's putting on a front.

She doesn't talk to her family as much as she used to which is also ironic because she used to do that all the time is so important to her keeping in touch is so important to her. She hasn't talk to her mom in 2 1/half months and she used to talk to her every day, she barely talks to Kelly and Michelle even Jay has tried to come around and she dismisses him every time and to be honest I'm rooting for them because from up here I see everything I hear everything and that man really loves her and if there's anyone I would pass her on to it's him.

I don't mean to talk about her like she's a blunt but...

anyways she needs someone there for her. She cannot be there for herself and everyone else and she doesn't seem to understand that her health is slowly deteriorating her mind all over the place she's barely skating by. She think she's fine because she has money to pay for everything but money don't last and money ain't everything.

And on top of all that she's high all the time. She's becoming an addict smoking weed for every little thing. She used to smoke here and there, but all the time every day? I'm not gonna lie and say she's not disappointing me but I understand and I get it. I'd probably be a wreck too if I was in her shoes. Because I love Beyoncé and it hurts me just watching her go through it. Imagine if it was me.

Sometimes I wish it was me just to take the pain off her. I watch her cry every day. I watch her scream for me to come back...

One day I'll get through to her one day. I'll be able to tell her that it's OK that she can move on. She can enjoy life and that I want her to. It's not like I'm in jail and she's holding me down. Absolutely not.

I'm dead.

 
And I don't think she's fully accepted that yet, but I need her to so she can move on and be happy. I can't keep watching her like this. I can't keep seeing her so broken. To be honest, even if I have the chance I wouldn't go back bitch I'm in heaven.

What the fuck I'm going back to earth for? as much as I love my kids and my wife but come on now heaven versus earth in 2024?!?!  Please be self for real... but outside of that, I just really want her happy I had to give anything to see her smile again.... Except for my spot in heaven.