After the fight || Drake Tmf

After he left him || Jake P.O.V.

     I left Drews' house. 

     On my way home, I took the time to really dive through my thoughts and feelings and recognize the situation that I'm in. Drew matters a lot to me, I didn't know what to do after he called me a freak. It felt as though sharp knives were poking my spine and sending shivers everywhere in my body. It made me feel insignificant, useless, out of control, misunderstood to name a few. However, most of all it made me feel heartbroken. 

     Drew is one of my best friends, and its hard to even imagine the thought that I may never be able to talk to Drew the way that I used to all the time. I loved talking to him and just hearing him speak. Drew's an amazing friend, why didn't I recognize that sooner? I was too busy thinking about the music club competition to the point where I never realized how much that time spent with the club drifted me away from Drew and the others. I wish I wasn't so ignorant about everything. 

      Hailey wouldn't stop nagging me about it, she's saying that I should be glad that Drew isn't slowing us down from what really matters– the competition. At first, I agreed. I agreed because I felt as though Drew really was slowing stuff down because I thought that he sent out the audio recording to the club which caused conflict when we were only weeks away from the big day. Drew will do anything that he can to get his way, he acts tough and mean on the outside, but I can't help but believe that there's so much more to him that a lot of people don't see. I feel like on the inside, (or when he's with me) he can be kind. He can be caring, he can be loyal, and he can be someone that is compassionate.

       I always thought for a while that he would never support my passion for music because he never showed interest in it. Though, I don't understand as to why he would hate the club: he calls them freaks, disrespects them, bullies them, and treat them as if they don't exist and aren't real people with real feelings. I know there is a deeper reason as to why Drew hates the music club, but I've countlessly brainstormed and can't seem to find the reason why. When he attacked Hailey earlier today, that was just the tipping point for everything and I couldn't help but confront him for how he's been acting around them. Around my friends.

       Something I didn't consider, however, is that my thoughts about Drews' actions are hypocritical of me because I treat him, Henry, Liam, and Lia with the same disrespect. I've been ignoring them and treating them as if they don't exist to me for the past couple of weeks with how occupied I've been with the club. If Drew disregarded me the same way that I have, I'd be just as mad. Lia confronted me with how I've been treating them, and I didn't give it a second thought after she talked to me about it. I thought about it as if it was a homework assignment because truthfully– I felt as though I was doing absolutely nothing wrong.

       Once Drew started yelling at me, I only then began to question how I've been treating them. I guess I really can be clueless and ignorant, I'm just so disappointed that if it weren't for him confronting me about my actions, then I would've never thought about what I've done and try to fix them. I need to be more thoughtful of others. I thought I was the victim of their game when I was around them, but in reality they felt ignored. Neglected. Neglect is something I know a little too well. To see them– my friends, dealing with that and having it be because of me is nothing but painful.

       I reach my house and close the door behind me, I suppose the door made quite some noise because I was soon greeted by my dog, Oreo. She jumped up at me, I laughed and got on my knees so that I could pet her. She is seriously the cutest thing in the world, I don't care how cute Drew's cat: Chunky is, Oreo's cuter by a landslide. I get up and head to the kitchen to grab Oreo some treats, that fatty doesn't need anymore calories but what harm will it give.