It Had To Be You ~ Joost Klein

Chapter 15 - Sparks

@Joostklein_updates: [UPDATE] Joost with fans yesterday in Leeuwarden, Netherlands accompanied by his friends!

Tagged: @joostklein @vandergunstnathan @stunje @y/n

Who is she?

Is she just a friend of Joost's?

Does anyone know who she is to him?

Why haven't we seen her before?

She's not that pretty...

Ikr?

Why are they hanging out with her, she isn't anybody

Like what does she do even...

Wow she already privated her accounts

People are saying she was a crazed fan and manipulated Joost into being friends with her!!!

Seriously??

That's so messed up...

Omg I found out where she's going to school

She studies music apparently

Oh she's totally using him then

Um. She's American LMAO. She really thought

– – – – –

I was back home, the train ride felt longer than it was, but I was relieved to be back. It was still quite early in the afternoon, Natalie and I managed to get back around 14:43 so we could unpack and get mentally ready for the week. Mentally ready, that's fucking laughable now.

That morning had been exhausting and terrifying. The sheer influx of people who now knew of me was nauseating, and the comments I was getting were borderline vile. I didn't realize how significant my presence with Joost truly was until I saw it firsthand.

All I could remember was how badly my hands shook as the panic had set in. I should have been more careful, I knew this would happen, fucking damnit- should have listened to myself, I knew it- and more and more thoughts spiraled through my head. It was easier to put the fault onto my own shoulders for whatever reason. However, this was causing me to internally combust.

I sat on that bed for about an hour, looking through what people were saying about me, and I was crumbling more and more. Of course, there were respectful people, but the loud minority made themselves known. Muffled cries could be heard from my room and I was constantly wiping tears away to try and give off the perception I was okay, even though I was alone in that room. I think it was more for myself. I wanted to believe this didn't affect me, and I wasn't sick to my stomach. Like, c'mon, you want to be a musician. Use this to your advantage. Although that mindset may have been easier to adopt than the alternative, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It wasn't until we were leaving to go to the train station that I finally emerged from that room and saw Joost and Natalie. Both of them were extra delicate and it only peeved me more. Of course they were aware of what was going on. My eyes gave me away. I had been crying for the past couple of hours, and it showed how puffy they were. When Joost and I had a moment alone, he asked how I was doing. I brushed him off completely and said something along the lines of "I'm fine."

We got in the car, Natalie in the front and Joost sitting next to me in the back. I could see him sneaking looks at me and it was starting to make me feel uneasy. My vulnerabilities were seemingly on full blast, and I was shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

"Are you sure you're okay?-"

"Dude, really. I'm okay, don't worry about me," I interrupted and looked at him with a fake expression of content. There was a flash of hurt in his eyes, and he left it at that. I rested my elbow on the window and propped my head up onto my hand. The scenery passed by quickly as Martijn drove us to the train station. Water welled in my eyes as I replayed his expression just then. I shut them tightly, mentally cursing myself for being pathetic. My other hand balled into a fist onto my lap to try and contain myself. He didn't deserve that.