All For You

Two

Isla

As soon as I realise it's Hayden holding me, I let myself sink into his embrace, as hostile as it is, drowning in the feeling.

I don't let myself cry, but I feel my eyes swell and sting in need. I feel my heart settle, as if it's been erratically pounding nonstop for the last five years, waiting until I was in my brother's arms again to finally calm down.

Five years. Five aggravating, long, torturous years. I haven't felt the warmth of my brothers embrace in so fucking long.

God, I just wanna turn around in his arms and hug him as tightly as I can, and I'll never let go. I'll listen to his heart beat in his chest, assuring me that this is real.

Hayden's alive and his heart is working fine. He's right here.

I want to tell him everything. I want to know everything. I want to sneak into his room after late and talk to him endlessly like we used to. I want to fall asleep next to him with smiles on our faces, kicking each other in the face in our sleeps.

I want to wake up knowing he's right there and he's not going anywhere.

I want to always be with him, so I can never lose him again.

I need it. So, so bad.

I've been alone for so long, and now I finally have my brother back, can't I just enjoy it?

I want to. I want to take my mask off and plead my case. Tell him it's me, show him the birthmark only he and I share.

Ask him where he's been, what he's been doing.

Hold him and never let go.

I want to go back home with him and never leave.

It'd be so easy. So natural. I'd do it all without a thought and it'd all feel so right.

But I can't. It hurts, so terribly, but I can't. I won't. How can I put their lives on the line, just because I'm desperate to live mine again?

That's not fair. It'll never be. I have to protect them. Even if it feels like my heart's cracking into a million pieces, little by little, from the knife the organisation has in my back.

Even if it means I have to die as someone I didn't choose to be.

I grab Hayden's hand on my neck against my better judgement, squeezing gently. I could break his fingers if I wanted to, but he doesn't need to know that.

"I think you've got the wrong idea," I tell him, ignoring the urges begging me to turn around and hug him half to death.

"You've been following me in your car for the last few blocks, and you even followed me into this alley. What do you want?" He accuses, squeezing his arm against my neck tighter. I pretend it hurts.

The quicker he lets his guard down, the quicker I can get out of here before I do something stupid.

Like tell him I love and miss him.

"I thought you were someone else, but I must've gotten the car wrong," I admit, lying through my teeth. He grunts, as if he's caught me in my lie. "I swear. I thought you were my boyfriend. I think he's been cheating on me."

I sniffle and look down. Pretend to be sad, and it's easier than usual this time.

"So you started stalking him?" Hayden asks, bewildered.

It seems to work, though, because he pushes me away from him and crosses his arms. I look him right in his beautiful brown-green eyes, holding his stare.