bounded by shadows

chapter : 1

Another vase shattered on the marbled floor of our living room. It has been like this for years—Baba's tempestuous anger and Amma's resolute stubbornness, turning our home into a battlefield. My life has been a tumultuous journey for as long as I can remember.

When I was in the 6th grade, Baba was the architect of our dreams, toiling to build a future for me, my sister, and my mother. My parents, both of the same age, clashed frequently, but we remained blissfully unaware, cocooned in our little world. We were part of a joint family, attending the same school as our cousins, walking home together, sharing our dreams under the same roof. But then, everything changed. Baba's business crumbled, and we lost our home. Our world fractured, scattering everyone like leaves in a storm.

As a child, I never questioned where the money came from, why Amma wept, why Baba raged, or why my sister held me back from their conflicts. Innocence shielded me from the chaos. Now, as I sit in my room, the echoes of their shouting and crying resonate deeply. I understand why my sister shielded me. I wish she were here now; she saved herself and left me in this hell. My eyes are heavy with tears. I never understand why I cry every time they fight. i should Sleep, my elusive solace, beckons.

Waking up at 4 a.m., I marveled at myself. Six hours of sleep—that is the farthest I have gone without the aid of pills. Time to get ready. As I rose, the sight of my cat, Juju (ours—my sister's and mine), nestled in my blanket, warmed my heart. I've heard that cats sleep on their owners' clothes for the familiar scent. Back then, Juju always sought my sister's blanket. After she left, Juju turned to my clothes, but now I think she just loves blankets and clothes. Who would want to sleep on a cold floor, anyway?

Stepping out of the bathroom, I reached for my phone. I only have few friends , really just one who knows me well. Opening my phone, I was greeted by a cascade of messages and calls from my best friend, Beegum. Ignoring them, I went to my cupboard to retrieve the assignment I had written for her. I knew she was calling to remind me. Loneliness is my constant villain. Whenever I am alone, the urge to end it all whispers insidiously inside me. She knows me well, always asking for assignments with the flimsiest excuses. I don't argue about it.

Bag in hand, I walked out of our house, 'The Rental House'. It's just a short stroll to the main road. Though a bus stop is nearby, I prefer walking. The hustle and bustle of a Monday morning—the honking of cars, children running for the school bus—reminds me I am alive. Walking to school, I saw Beegum's dimpled smile waving at me. I've often wondered if a dimple would suit me, but it looks damn good on her. Low-key jealous, I handed her the assignment as I walked away, but she caught up with me.

"Why didn't you answer my calls? I thought you weren't coming today."

"Is there any reason for me to be absent today? Is anyone dead?"

"Astaghfirullah, does nothing good come from your mouth?"

"Why, death is  a good thing?"

"There is no good talking to you."

"Then don't." My sassy reply silenced her. Our silent trip through the corridor ended when Ameer joined us.

"Wassup, ladies? Looking beautiful as always." His cheerful, flirty demeanor is always fun. Ameer is one of Beegum's cousins. They are so close it's hard to believe they are just cousins. Nodding to him, I walked ahead, giving them space. Entering our classroom, I walked to the back and sat at our usual spot. Students flooded in, one by one. My head submerged in the book I'd been reading for the past four days. Beegum always complains about my bookish ways. But books are more than words—they are rhythms, emotions, and thoughts woven together.

Soon, Miss Sunita entered the class. I didn't look up from my book, and she didn't seem to mind. Minutes later, the attender Bhagat brought a notice.

"Janaki and Rahul, please go meet the principal. He is asking for you two." Hearing my name, I stood up and nodded to Miss Sunita, heading toward the door with Rahul trailing behind. Did I do something wrong? Why was he asking for me now? Pushing the door aside, I greeted Mr. Arman Khan.

"Good morning, sir. May we come in?"

"Yes, yes come in, Sit." Sitting down, Mr. Khan began, "Do you remember the scholarship examination you took? The results came today. You both, along with some other students, have won scholarships to study in the UK. It's a big opportunity, they will cover all your educational expenses. But there are some other expenses we need to handle." 

Rahul interrupted, "But sir, the scholarship is supposed to cover our educational expenses." He glanced at me for support, and I nodded.

"It's not for your education, it's for your travel expenses. When you get there, they will take care of the rest. I am really sorry, kids, but it's the rules. I can't change it. I am helpless here." Finally, I spoke up.

"How much will it be?"

"It will be around 5 lakhs."