Spin the bottle

chapter 10 - Tidal Wave

-Yeah, that's what I thought. Gunwook's voice behind him was emotionless. Matthew was afraid to turn around and meet his teammate's disgusted gaze. He held back his tears, he had to respect the limits that Gunwook had set. That's what he'd always done and he liked him that way. He loved him from afar.

 Gunwook picked him up again, placing him next to him. Matthew finally saw his face, his cheeks were red and eyebrows furrowed. A mixture of anger and embarrassment gave him an adorable expression. Again, he was so young and innocent. The elder opened his eyes wide, he expected everything except this face.

 -I...how was it? I mean… I was good? Said Gunwook, his eyes glued to the pocket of his pants which he was fiddling with nervously.

 Matthew laughs sincerely. A laugh that meant he was reassured, that he was touched. He melted when he saw the dark-haired dancer's pouting mouth.

 -It was extraordinary. Because it's you.

 Gunwook took his face in his hands, torn between the pleasure of hearing these words and the perpetual doubts that tortured his mind. It was terribly hard for him to admit his weaknesses. 

 -Stop saying that kind of thing hyung. “I want it to be you, because it’s you”… I’m going to end up believing you. Said Gunwook with his face still hidden.

 Matthew didn't understand anything. He, who was nevertheless an open book, could not make himself understood. He began to doubt his Korean, to think that he must have made a mistake somewhere. He said to himself that the youngest, having forgotten the evening of the bottle game, certainly no longer had his pitiful declaration in mind. “That's better if he doesn't remember, I'm a little ashamed” he thought.

-Gunwook… Matthew took the dancer's hands so he could observe his face. His gaze was dark, as usual, but his cheeks and ears were red. He was embarrassed, disturbed, anxious.

 -Don't look at me like that... don't pronounce my name like that... stammered Gunwook, whose memories of the torrid night came back to him in waves as soon as the elder said his name. 

 -Gunwook. Matthew continued, smiling, knowing that he was absolutely not obeying what the youngest was asking. I'm sincere, it's only you.

 -You lie. Gunwook's gaze was dark and his face was a mix between anger and sadness.

 Matthew knew this expression perfectly and he knew that it was a facade, a way of protecting himself, like a sign saying “no trespassing ” so as not to be hurt.

 -I love you. He said simply, caressing the hands of Gunwook sitting in front of him.

 -You love us all. Replied the youngest.

-I love you, sincerely, deeply, lovingly, unconditionally, I love you when you are far from me, I love you when you are close, I love you when you're in me, on me, in my head, inside my body...

 Matthew continued but the flow of words no longer reached the ears of the youngest. He felt his whole body as if caught in an immense wave. He was deep in sea, a tide of feelings he didn't know how to handle. He had already received love, he was an idol after all and he had loving parents, but he didn't know how to handle Matthew's love. Because he was like that, he was always too much and Gunwook was never enough. But the young dancer never had the opportunity to receive this excess of love, he did not know what he was capable of receiving and he was afraid of what he could give in return. The new feelings that squeezed his heart and tingled in his body to the tips of his hands which touched those of his eldest made him want... to cry. No tears came out, however, his gaze softened. His black eyes shone as he looked at Matthew who insisted on telling him the thousand and one ways in which he loved him. Gunwook smiled, squeezing the small hands that were in his.

 -You can stop there, you're out of breath, hyung. He laughed, caressing his eldest's cheek.

Matthew took a deep breath, his heart swelled with love. The youngest's laugh made him blush. He was handsome, he was fragile although he didn't admit it to himself. 

 -I'm sorry for what happened the night of the game, Gunwook continued. We shouldn't have come this far. I played with you and forgetting everything was an easy way to avoid those weird feelings. 

 -Don’t apologize, it was me who took advantage of you, Matthew smiled. 

 Gunwook lushed brightly. “What the hell am I doing here?” He said nothing, he only observed his eldest who was smiling widely. "He is so cute." the dancer bit his lip. He wasn't ready, he was scared, he didn't know what awaited him. He wanted to lock Matthew away, cut him off from the world, he wanted his ankle to never heal and for the two of them to be alone for the rest of their lives. 

 “I’m completely crazy.”

 He took his eldest by the waist to place him again on his thighs. Matthew let out a small cry of surprise. Gunwook was in front of him, so close that he could feel his breath on his face and his eyes shone intensely. His dark eyes stared at him and Matthew felt his face burn so badly that he turned his face away. But the youngest grabbed his chin to force him to hold his gaze. 

 -I want you to be mine. Gunwook frowned, the seriousness of his expression making Matthew tremble. 

 There was a hint of madness in his words and in his eyes. Matthew had felt it the night of the bottle game. Gunwook had something inside him, demons that haunted him, crazy thoughts that he never expressed. The eldest had never been afraid of him, unlike the rest of the group and everyone who had met him for the first time, Matthew had always seen the good in him. But there was certainly a reason for all this restraint, this desire to put others at a distance and never get emotionally involved. 

 Matthew was ready for anything, he would take his madness, he would accept his jealousy if Gunwook let him taste his skin again. 

 -I'm yours. Replied Matthew, his voice cracking slightly. He no longer had any pride, he was nothing more than a shadow under Gunwook's hands. The firm grip on his chin was enough to cloud his mind. His eyes were lost on the youngest's luscious lips when he said these crazy words. He was shivering with impatience. 

 Matthew leaned over to kiss him, he placed his small hands on the broad shoulders of the dancer who had already parted his lips to welcome his. The Canadian would have hoped for a tender kiss, like those in the movies, like those of people who love each other but Gunwook took the back of his neck to insert his tongue deep into his mouth. It was indecent, crude, the kiss was wet, hot and noisy but Matthew was in heaven, arching unconsciously on the dancer's thighs. The large hand on the back of his neck moved down to his back to pull him a little closer if that was possible. Matthew had slipped his fingers into Gunwook's black hair and was literally melting when he felt the younger man's warmth against him. The couch was uncomfortable under his knees and he didn't dare sit completely on Gunwook's thighs for fear of not being able to control the movements of his pelvis in search of any friction. 

 Gunwook's lips left Matthew's to explore the skin of his neck, running his tongue so close to his ear that Matthew moaned shamefully. 

 -You're so soft… whispered the dancer while lifting Matthew's t-shirt. You smell so good. He continued, placing a few kisses on his collarbones. And so... sensitive... he added, passing his tongue over the pink nipple of the Canadian who dug his fingers into his large shoulders so as not to lose his mind. 

 -Gunwook... the members could arrive at any time... breathed Matthew who felt the licks burning his skin and creating a familiar sensation in his lower belly. 

 “But I want you so bad…” Gunwook whined.